Calling On My Angels [ Chanrosé ]

21. I Told You So

The guilt for leaving him alone and upset in that bus weighed heavily on Chaeyoung, even as she climbed into the dark grey cab and instructed the driver to take her to the airport.

Despite the late hour, she found she wasn't physically drained. It was more on the emotional spectrum that she felt exhausted, after having gotten everything out in the open in the short space of five minutes. Five minutes to destroy what they had been steadily building, be it on false pretences or not.

Physically though, she was wide awake, head leant against the cool window, counting the dimly lit lampposts as she was pulled further and further away from what her life had been for the past month. There were regrets, but most certainly not about leaving. She had already made peace with the fact that it was the necessary thing to do. Her regrets instead centred around the way she had handled things.

Her jealousy had gotten the better of her causing her to snap at him when he really hadn't done anything wrong. In fact, he had only been trying to reassure her in the back room, but she had shoved him off. Funny how their roles had reversed in the space of only days.

And as much as she had made it out to be, he wasn't solely at fault for their demise. It was just as much her burden to bear as it was his. There was no trust, and arguably there was never any in the first place. Chanyeol needed to learn how to trust other people again, and Chaeyoung needed to learn how to not be governed by jealousy at every other female encounter. But more than that, Chanyeol needed to learn how to be open with his feelings without feeling so vulnerable, as that was their real downfall.

When she had begun the argument, Chaeyoung could honestly say she had no clue how he felt about her. But by the end, watching his pained face as she walked away, she knew exactly how he felt. It was difficult to willingly walk away knowing what she had been pleading for all this time, a confirmation that she wasn't the only one in deep, but it was necessary. Staying in such a disheveled situation, despite the shared affection, was not healthy.

Chaeyoung was honestly surprised that he hadn't already tried to contact her, expecting the buzz in her lap as her phone illuminated with his name, Chanyeol never being good at self-restraint around her. But perhaps the real reason why he hadn't called was because he understood exactly what she was trying to do, separating them for the greater good. Her actions had obviously hurt him, but perhaps it was an understanding kind of hurt, the knowledge that what she was doing was right making the situation even harder to deal with.

The sharp stop of the car at the drop-off zone drew Chaeyoung back to the world around her, mumbling a quick "thank you" to the driver before collecting her bags from the seat next to her and exiting the vehicle, heading through the large archway. She was looking forward to going home, the necessity for stability outweighing any inclinations she had to stay on that bus. Plus, the comforting arms of Los Angeles meant that there'd be Jisoo, Wendy, Jongdae and Kyungsoo ready to welcome her home, a smile forming on her face just at the prospect of seeing them again.

For the first time in what felt like years, she felt excited, more than just looking forward to going home. But when the person at the flight desk told her that the flights to Los Angeles were all booked until early afternoon the next day, Chaeyoung felt like crying. In fact, she had to excuse herself from the desk after purchasing the ticket before she started bawling like a baby, right in front of everyone.

Emotionally exhausted, she was more than ready to be back with her support system, taking the role of the one crying under the counter right from Wendy's hands. Chaeyoung was in no way ready to be working again, but immersing herself in ungrateful middle aged women and inappropriate teenage boys seemed the only way for her to start to feel okay again, her life finally getting back to normal.