Thank you - Drarry

Chapter 5

A whole week had passed since that day in potions before the two spoke again. In class, Draco had gone so far as to remove the chair next to him, which lead to Harry not having much of a choice but to sit elsewhere. A few times Harry tried talking to him when they happened to cross paths in the library, but Draco always ignored him and walked past.

In the end it was just dumb luck at play that gave Harry a chance to talk Draco. It was after class and he was out by the lake. He had grown tired of studying and had snuck away when Hermione was distracted. Seeking refuge outside he had found himself wandering around the lake. The air held a crispness to it that woke Harry up after hours of sitting with his face in a book. It was cold outside and the wind ruffled his hair so that it was even messier than usual.

He had walked one lap around the lake when he spotted him. Sitting under a tree with a book in his hands was Draco. His platinum blonde hair shone in the sun and his green scarf was wrapped tightly around his neck. Looking around and making sure that they were alone, he made his way over. Draco heard the leaves rustle as Harry neared and looked up. With a big sigh he looked back down to his book.

"Go away Potter"

Harry ignored him and sat down next to Draco. He noticed that some of the anger for earlier was gone. Now he mostly sounded tired, and annoyed.

"I won't go away until you tell me why you're mad at me" To really make it clear, Harry shifted around a few times to find a comfortable position. Draco snapped his book shut and looked at Harry with narrowed eyes.

"Why the fuck do you even care? You're not my friend, remember!" His words were cold and he looked out onto the lake as he spoke. Pale hands gripped the book harshly for a few seconds before opening it again. His eye pretended to focus on the pages and the words within, but was clear that his mind was elsewhere.

"Great that you came to that realization, but care to tell me why it's my fault that you don't want to be my friend?" Harry tried to mimic the coldness in Draco's tone, but it sounded faked and forced in his ears. He tried to pretend that it didn't matter to him that Draco didn't want to have him as a friend, but as he spoke, the pressing feeling in his chest grew stronger and more painful by the second. Draco let out a humorless laugh and let his eyes fall on Harry once more.

"Yeah, like this isn't your doing. Of course not! Perfect Potter can't do anything wrong. He's a bloody saint!" The sarcasm was spread on thick and the sneer on Draco's face made the words hurt so much more. Harry was not the one to blame here! He was not the one who had decided that he didn't want to be friends all of a sudden. The words and the tone egged him on and he felt anger rise up in him. He shifted on the ground so that he sat facing Draco.

"And with you it's always someone else's fault. Of course, the perfect Draco Malfoy can't be at blame." Harry was absolutely fuming, and the look that Draco held, one of pure anger and hate, pushed him to continue and his anger to grow. "Not once have I said that I didn't want to be your friend Malfoy! Not once! So, this friendship coming to an end is entirely on you!"

"Bullshit! I might not bathe in friends, but I still hear the rumors Potter. I heard what you said at the party, or rather didn't say. But please, tell me I'm wrong! Tell me that when asked if we were friends the only thing you did was laugh at the idea and then agree with Weasley when he said something along the lines with "Who would wanna be friends with that jerk?""

Harry felt like a balloon that had just been stabbed by a big needle. His anger deflated with a big pop and in its wake was an emptiness. An emptiness that was quickly filled with shame. Harry's silence seemed to be the only answer Draco needed and with a scoff he stood up. It took a second of two for Harry to get his legs to cooperate, but he managed to force himself to stand too and with a hand on Draco's arm he stopped him.

"I didn't mean it. I promise! I was drunk and the question took me by surprise and I panicked. I'm sorry!" His words hung in the air between them. Harry let go of Draco's arm and let his hand fall down to his side. After what felt like hours Draco turned his head slightly and looked at Harry. His eyes were unreadable.

"You don't need to pretend Harry. I get it. I wouldn't want to be friends with me either." With those last words Draco turned his head back and began walking up to the castle. Harry was paralyzed by his words and by the time he had managed to break through them Draco was long gone. Slowly he sat back down again and leaned his head back against the trunk of the tree.

He knew that people had talked of the party. He had heard more rumors in the days that followed than he had been able to keep up with. Not once had he heard anything about himself. Not even the whipped cream incident had been spread around. But somehow, even before his first class the day after, someone had told Draco about his stupid answer to a truth.

He dunked his head back at the tree trunk in frustration and closed his eyes. Where had that Gryffindor bravery been when he had needed it? He wasn't ashamed of their friendship, right? The thought caught his attention. He hadn't thought that he was ashamed of it, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized that he had acted as if he was. He never spoke to Draco outside of class, and he never spoke to his friends about him.

Maybe this was for the best. Maybe them not being friends was easier. Draco didn't deserve a friend who was ashamed of him. Besides, they had always been on opposite sides of everything. School rivalry had started what war had continued. Them staying on their opposite sides might be what they should do.

Harry sighted and opened his eyes. The lake was beginning to freeze over and the trees were mostly brown and naked, with a few exceptions of dark red in a few spots. Winter would come soon. Harry thought back to his life last year at this time. Living in hiding and fearing for his life. Moving often and trying to fight a battle that they didn't really know enough about. He had hated it. He had hated the feeling of constant fear in his body. Always on edge and always nervous.

With that thought it clicked in Harry. He didn't want to live like that again. He didn't want to be afraid. He wanted to live his life freely and not adapt after what others thought he should do or be. He didn't care that it would be complicated, he wanted to be Draco's friend. The confident filled him for a few seconds before the coldness of realization creeped back in. It was too late. If only he had realized this sooner. Draco hated him now and that was that. He knew that nothing good would come of him pushing Draco. He was way too stubborn for that. It was all on Draco now. Harry wouldn't push, but he would hope that Draco would find it in him to give Harry a second chance.

Harry's fingers were cold and his cheeks pink by the time he stood and began walking back to the castle. He felt sad, but a small sliver of hope still lived in him. And hope was all he needed.