Figure It Out [Rihanna/You]

C H A P T E R S E V E N

I sat on the hotel chair in the corner of the room, Rihanna on the bed packing a blunt. She didn't know why I didn't want to go into my apartment, but she welcomed me immediately to her room.

And no, not sexually.

"You smoke?" She asked, rolling the backwoods. I shrugged softly and she patted the spot next to her so I kicked off my shoes, sliding onto the bed.

"Not regularly. I never was able to with football. But that's over now so..." I answered, watching her flicked her lighter and light the blunt before placing it between her mouth.

She outreached it to me after she took in a hefty inhale. "Might make you feel better. Shit always calms me down." I took the blunt from her and inhaled, not nearly as deeply as her, but I filled my lungs up before blowing the smoke out. It took maybe three more pulls before I felt the affect of the weed.

I handed it back to her and laid back on the bed with a sigh, staring up at the ceiling as words just flew out slowly but also quickly, if that made sense. "I was fifteen.." I could feel her eyes on me. "Freshman in high school, first girl to try out for the football team there. That shit, especially in Atlanta, was unheard of."

She handed me the blunt again and I took a puff before continuing. "No one really gave me shit because of my pops, he was an icon out there. So, I tried out, made the team, and was immediately thrown into the light. I was already confident in who I was but I had morals, you know?"

I felt myself sinking more into the bed, giving her back the blunt. "I had a girlfriend, Naomi. That was my shawty man." I chuckled softly and looked over at her. "Light skin, pretty eyes, always wearing this lip gloss and hoop earrings- shit. I ain't know what love was but at that time I knew it was her."

She cracked a smile, a soft laugh leaving her lips at my explanation. "So that's always been your type huh?" I smirked with a nod and looked back at the ceiling. "What happened?"

I hummed and looked over at her again. "Dad convinced me her, and all girls, were a distraction." I sighed, my head shaking as I reiterated his words verbatim. "These girls are only after the limelight you'll be in, Y/n. You can have fun.. but never give your heart away' that's what he told me at fifteen." She stared at me with disbelief and I chuckled humorlessly. "And I listened."

My gaze left hers as I remembered how sad I felt about breaking Raquel's heart. "I was devastated.. I really loved her, you know? When my dad found me crying, he literally beat the shit out of me."

"Like.." I looked at Rihanna and she held up her fists and I nodded. "Wow."

"Yep. 'Crying is weak, we don't cry in this house, Y/n. We don't give up our heart' no wonder my mom left him." I breathed out another sad laugh. "I didn't get why because he was my hero for so many years.. I looked up to that man." I felt my eyes burn again but I blinked them away.

"No." I looked at Rih and saw her smiling at me sadly. "Don't blink them away, cry."

I shook my head and kept blinking. "But it doesn't fix anything."

"Y/n, you have nine years of pent up emotions. You gotta let that shit out." I squeezed my eyes shut and brought my hands up to my face as I groaned.

I knew she was right but crying made me just keep hearing my dads voice. And that made it physically impossible for me to let them drop. Even though I so badly wanted to let everything just.. go.

"Is it forgiveness you want?" She asked softly and I nodded. "You have to forgive yourself first.. do you?"

I let out a shaky breath and shook my head. "No," I mumbled and sat up, sitting on the edge of the bed as I stared down at my hands. "I've done some fucked up shit. Some shit I know can't be forgiven."