Heart's Redemption (MxM)

Chapter 37 ~ Ian

It seems like a weird time to take a bath.

It's the middle of the day, there's either a killer, a murder-demon, or both on the loose, and we're all stuck here like the hapless characters of a slasher flick, but maybe Sam's never seen Nightmare on Elm Street before.

In addition, the bathtub is not made for two people.

Still, Sam insists, and if I've learned anything, it's that I have a hard time not giving him what he wants.

He's got me whipped, he knows it, and I don't care.

He sits with his back against my chest, which can't be all that comfortable, given that I don't quite fit the mold of hairless beauty, but he doesn't mind. In fact, he seems to enjoy rubbing his hands through the dense red fur on my arms and legs as we wash one another with faintly scented soap and a soft cloth.

Strangely, there's nothing sexual about it. Sensual, yes; sexual, no. We simply enjoy the feel of each other's body beneath our hands and take pleasure in showing one another this kind of love and care.

Sam uses his influence, too, though it's muted, dampened either by his lack of energy or his mood. Still, I feel it in his touch, the way it seeps through my skin and makes me feel loved.

"I wish I could make you feel this way," I say, trailing my fingers over the smooth skin of his shoulders and down his arms.

"What way?"

"The way you make me feel with your touch—with your influence."

He twists to look at me, his dark eyes wide with honest surprise. "But you do," he says. "That's why I... That's why I love you. What you're feeling is just... a reflection of what I feel. So, really, it's all you."

I don't know what to say to that, so I say nothing.

Once we're clean and warmed through by the hot water, we lie on the bed, side by side, letting our bodies cool. After a few minutes, Sam rolls onto his side, watching me quietly.

"What do you need, babe?" I ask, shifting to face him. "I'm all yours. Anything you want."

He frowns a little, and I wonder at the strange mood he seems to be in. "Can we just...stay like this for a while?" he asks, wriggling a little closer to me. "I just want to be with you."

"Sure, kitten. Sure we can."

I pull him closer, so he can tuck his head beneath my chin, and slide one arm around his waist.

"You okay?" I ask after a few moments pass.

He nods and makes a small noise of assent. Then he pulls away from me far enough to meet my eyes. "Ian, what I have with you is something I've never had with anyone before. I don't want to lose it. I don't want to lose...you."

"Is that what this is about? The mark?"

"Sort of," he admits, biting his lower lip. "I'm afraid of losing you, and I'm afraid of going back to where and what I was before we met. You didn't just save me that day, Ian. You save me every day."

"Hey now," I object, feeling a little uncomfortable. "I think you've got it wrong." I sit up and he does the same, legs folded and tucked up beside him. "I'm not fit to save anyone, Sam. You know why I came here, right?"

"To look for bears," he answers quietly.

"That's right. To look for bears, because I wanted to understand if it was possible to be me and also be a good person. Since I met you, and since I got here, I've realized two things. First, being a bear doesn't mean shit. At least, not the way I thought it did. My Shape doesn't determine who I am. My choices do. And second, one of the best choices I ever made was to help you."