Sly Cooper and the Gang

Chapter 9: A Battle Of Law And Order

     The judge looked around the room with a drunk smile plastered on his face. "My name is Judge Jude, my mommy is judge Judy, so everything I know I learned from her." Judge Jude explained rubbing his hands along his floor length nuns gown.

     His eyes stopped when he saw Sly. He let out a guttural roar as he fell on to all fours like a mama bear chasing after her babies after some idiot put them in a cage. He flipped upright clutching Sly in between his enormous hands.

     Judge Jude licked Sly's face and his eyes shone with pure insanity. "I've missed you, Sly. You taste just like hot Cheetos." Judge Jude said softly. Sly recoiled as his disgusting breath. "Are you sure that wasn't just what you had for lunch?" He said choking at the stench. Judge Jude's eyes lost their insane sparkle and he dropped Sly back into his chair.

     The judge let out an enormous fart and the people in the front seats all passed out at the horrid scent. The judge skipped back over to his seat whistling a funky toon that reminded Sly of something. Some sort of cartoon theme song? Joey drew studios possibly? He concluded on that.

     Once Judge Jude was seated he looked around the room again. "Alright then, let's get this trial underway." He said as he pulled a large salad out of his pocket. Carmelita stood up and straightened her jacket. "Hello, Judge Jude. As you already know we are here to discuss the Cooper gang." She said calmly as Judge Jude shook around the salad container very loudly.

     "I will be on the opposing side of this argument, and I will start by saying one thing. They are guilty and should be sent to prison for all the senseless crimes they've committed." She said sharply. "Objection!" Tennessee yelled standing upright and flipping into a handstand on the table.

     Judge Jude turned to him. "Go ahead." He said. Carmelita stood there mouth agape. That had been HER time to talk, and the judge just let him object. She crossed her arms and sat down angrily like a two year old that just got its favourite toy taken away.

     Tennessee flipped himself upright and squatted like he was about to take a rather large turd right on the table. "You see judge, I fully agree with Inspector Fox. These three are all thieves, and they are guilty of every crime they've ever committed." Uh oh, Sly thought nervously as the whole court went quiet.

     "And you know what, they should be proud of that. It takes a lot of skill to pull off that many heist without even getting arrested! Believe it or not, everything this gang does, actually helps the law. In fact, half the people Carmelita arrested would still be on the lose right now if it wasn't for these heroes." Tennessee explained, now pacing around the front of the room.

     Judge Jude leaned forward on his pedestal. "What exactly are you trying to say?" He asked his eyes narrowed to slits as he shoved a handful of moist lettuce into his mouth. Tennessee stopped pacing and slid around to face the judge. "What I'm trying to say is, instead of being punished for their efforts, they should be rewarded!" He said with confidence.

     Another large silence followed his statement. "Tough crowd." Tennessee said awkwardly rubbing his arm. Bentley slapped his forehead. "We're doomed. Would've been better if we just called Saul instead." He muttered shaking his head in disbelief. "Objection!" Carmelita yelled slamming her hands down on her table and standing abruptly. "Overruled." The judge said as he shoved a bunch of salad into his mouth. "I wanna see where he's going with this."

     Tennessee smirked as Carmelita sat back down angrily. "I would like to call in my first witness, if that's alright by you." Tennessee said staring at Judge Jude. The judge waved his hand as he tossed more greens into his mouth. "By all means, Please!" Tennessee smiled and turned to the other side of the room "RIOICHI GET YOU BUTT IN HERE OR ILL GIVE YOU FIVE ACROSS THE A-" He got cut of by the air in front of him flickering as Rioichi appeared.

Rioichi happened to be another one of Sly and Tennessee's ancestors, and Rioichi was Sly's great great great great great great great great great great great grandfather (or something around that) Rioichi turned to the gang. "kon'nichiwa moriawase mītoheddo." He said to them.

     "What does that mean?" Murray whisper yelled at Bentley. "Uh, I'm pretty sure he said hello." Bentley explained sneezing aggressively afterwards. Rioichi sat down where the witnesses normally sit. Tennessee turned and faced him a wild look in his eyes.

"Tell me, have you ever worked with the Cooper gang?" He asked raising one eyebrow very high. Rioichi nodded. "Yes. The Cooper gang broke me out of jail after I was arrested for a crime I didn't commit." He said, earning some shocked noises. "They also helped me save feudal Japan, and save my legacy by helping me retrieve my greatest artifact." He explained nodding slowly.

"Oh, I see. So would you say that the members of the Cooper gang are evil?"

"No way, the helped me so much."

"So, are you saying that they are heroes?"

"I wasn't, but it would be I lie if I said no."

"But what I'm asking is are they guilty?"

"Yes one hundred percent. But, I don't believe they should be arrested. They should be rewarded!" Rioichi finished holding his hands up like a cheerleader. Tennessee grinned and applauded Rioichi's responses "thank you very much, you are dismissed." Tennessee said pointing at the door. Rioichi stood up and marched over to the door and then disappeared.

Tennessee turned back to the judge.
"So as you can clearly see, they are guilty, but they shouldn't get punished." He said grinning. Judge Jude nodded. "Objection!" Carmelita yelled standing up again. "Still overruled." Judge Jude said eating more salad.

"Unbelievable." Carmelita muttered as she sat back down. Tennessee turned to the judge. "Thank you." He said smiling. Judge Jude nodded. "Go on," he said. Tennessee looked around the room but his gaze flew back to the judge. "I would like to call in my second witness."