I feel empty, yet too full at the same time
Empty, with no emotions in sight.
Empty and cold like an old abandoned house.
Yet I am so full.
Full of hatred, of pain, of fear.
Hatred for those who didnt grow up this way
Envious that they get to enjoy their days.
Angry because they dont have the demons of expectations and death clawing at them.
Pain because I still have to wake up every day.
Pain because my life is this way.
Fear...
Fear of not being enough, of being too much.
Fear of losing those around me, yet I push them away.
Fear of losing my grip.
Fear of losing control.
So I take control of the pain, the anger the fear.
Taking control in the only way I know how.
By inflicting pain,
Mentally.
Physically.
Pushing everything down and away.
Controlling what I can as best as I can.
I cant lose control.
If I lose control, I lose everything...
So I become empty.
Empty is control.
Too full is consuming, claustrophobic.
Its pushing at barriers that I cant afford to let fall.
So I am empty.
I am back in control.
YOU ARE READING
My Poetic Journey
RandomThis book is basically my writings that go back to I think 2014. This is kind of a way for me to see how much my writing style has changed and hopefully give some people a little bit of inspiration! :-)
