1992

chapter ten

damon

doesn't it happen to you that the way you get attached to someone without even realizing it sometimes, can be very baffling, yet so astounding?

when i was in junior year, i used to be that cocky guy every girl wanted to go out with, or the guy who went to parties very frequently.
not that i was popular or something, i never really wanted attention, not even a bit.

however, i had always somehow gotten it.
it was annoying, but i had to admit it.
i had provoked all of that attention due to my unnecessary cocksure behavior.

some people despised me for it, some people praised me for it. and those people, were only girls.

every girl used to think i was cool or some kind of sex God and they were the only people who would sometimes invite me and impress me at these weird parties.

i mean, i didn't blame them though. i've always been irresistible.

sometimes i would just simply pop up at some parties without even being invited at all, and no one would say anything, except for some people who would frown at me and say things like 'uh, who invited this guy?'

my family was always concerned i'd get drunk and end up in someone's bed but, that wasn't really my thing.

of course, i had gotten insanely drunk sometimes and would even get to kiss a couple of girls but i had never wanted to go further.

too drunk to get turned on.

i'm not that guy anymore, i swear.

sort of.

one day, this cute girl had showed up at this particular party and she was probably one of the most compelling girls i've seen in my life.

she had short black hair, thick eyebrows, dark brown eyes and the most perfect jawline.

'that outfit is horrendous, aren't you supposed to be a gentleman who dresses nicely? she had said to me when i had reached up to her.

'well, it's fucking up to me, don't you think?' i had said to her, jokingly.

her name was justine.

we probably spent all that night talking to each other, introducing ourselves and talking a bit about our lives.

apparently, we were attending the same school and were in the same grade, but somehow, we hadn't seen each other before.

she was pretty interesting and not monotonous like these previous girls i've mentioned before and we realized we both had a lot in common and were pretty similar in terms of behaviour.

not too long after that, we began dating.

her parents didn't really agree with the idea of us being a couple, they were overprotective to her and i could clearly see they didn't like me, not even a bit.

they thought i'd be some kind of bad influence on her.

but it had been the total opposite.

as we all may know, relationships in the beginning seem like they're going in the right direction, everything is normal and under control.

until small things slowly start to show up and turn your relationship into a hellish chaos.

i thought she was a sweetheart, but throughout the time, she had proven me wrong.

she'd go to these stupid and childish parties her friends always organized every saturday and she would always end up being wasted and it was my "responsibility" to pick her up.

one time, it was her birthday and she had organized a pool party with all of her friends.

some headass decided it was a good idea to give her drugs as a birthday present and make her try them for the first time. she had encouraged me to do the same, but i had denied her offer.

i didn't want to end up being a junkie just like the rest of her asshat friends.

i was furious. i was furious at justine for doing this to her, and to me.

i knew i was hurting, but i loved her and i wanted to keep working on our relationship, i wanted to give us another chance, because it mattered to me. it truly did.

but it seemed like it didn't matter to her.

you know what they say, love is blind and i had to realize not everything in the garden was rosy all the time.

she had the audacity to cheat on me with someone who had met at this other party and i just really had enough.

i was aware i would hurt her if i ever broke up with her, but i knew i couldn't get stuck there. i knew i had to do something, and if i was going to do it, it had to be soon. i couldn't keep hurting myself, not like that.

we got into a big fight that day i had found out, and splitting up with her had been one of the hardest and most upsetting decisions i had to take.

i had felt something heavy on my chest for the longest time, but when i had let go justine, that feeling of heaviness that i was carrying, had slowly vanished.

i tried to pretend it didn't hurt, but i knew on the very inside that in fact, it did hurt.

everything inside me was hurting. i could feel every small and fragile piece of my heart breaking.

but i knew i couldn't keep feeling sorry for myself, i had to move on.

it took me a while to heal all the wounds, but i had finally made it and i felt like new damon was here to stay.

although, i still get a bit of nostalgia from the only good memories and moments justine and i got to spend together. however, it didn't upset me anymore, because i had learn something from this and i had become a better person.

two weeks after getting rid of her, she had called me several times saying how sorry she was for what she did and begging me to go out with her again.

i felt genuinely sorry for her, i knew her life was screwed up and she was desperate for someone to fill the void inside her.

...

i didn't even realize my sister had entered my room and had asked me something.

'damon?' she asked, frowning at me.
'hm?' i said.
'did you even hear what i asked you?'
'uh yeah, what were you saying?' i asked, scratching my head.

she rolled her eyes.

'nevermind. i've seen you very inattentive lately, is everything okay?' she asked, reaching up to where i was and sitting next to me.
'yeah, it's just too much stuff to think about.' i said, trying to leave the topic.

'i'm not sure. ever since you became friends with graham, you seem more... umm.' she was trying to look for the right word.

'let's say you seem more distracted. i mean, like when you're falling for someone.'

i gave her a sweepish grin and i didn't realize i was blushing.
this was something uncanny coming from me, i never blush.

she looked at me in disbelief, eyes widening and hands covering her mouth.

'you've got heart eyes for him, don't you? she asked, still in disbelief.
'you're aware that he's here, right?' i said, hushing her.
'when were you going to tell me? when were you going to tell mom and dad?'she asked in a low voice.
'it's none of your business.' i said, chortling as i lightly shoved her shoulder with mine.
'whether you like it or not, you'll have to tell me more about it sooner or later.' she said, before leaving the room.

A/N

bruh this chapter is poorly and lazily written and barely makes sense so i wanna apologize again i was literally out of ideas bc i usually write at night and its the only chance i get to write and my brain always malfunctions at night uhhh
anyways if you see this, thank you for still reading i appreciate that tons 🥺