1992

chapter twelve

damon

we spent the rest of the day swimming, playing around and dancing to the music playing on the radio for hours, until we slowly began to feel exhausted and opted to rest on the hood of my car, sitting next to each other and coxon resting his head on my shoulder.

he had finally learnt how to swim and i was proud of him for having the courage to try it and make it. i felt like the proud mother who watched his son score a goal and make the team win the game.
he'd normally give up and his fear would take control of him, but it didn't this time.

he actually managed to take control of his fear of drowning in that lake.

as we watched the sunset, we had finished all the snacks and had taken a few sips of the ales that were left.

coxon was only left wearing his underware and swimming in my oversized hoodie.

'thank you.' i heard coxon say.
'for what?' i asked, acting like i didn't know what he was thanking me for.
'for giving me the enough confidence to do it.' he said, quietly.
'it's nothing.' i said, squeezing his hand.

it was getting late and the people that were before us were just leaving, some others were just arriving.

i wasn't quite sure if what i was going to ask was going to be appropiate for this moment, but the last thing i wanted was coxon to misunderstand me and lead to an argument.

'coxon?' i asked.
'hm?'
'can i ask you something?' i asked.
'sure.' he said, quietly.

i hesitated for a bit. this was a topic he wasn't comfortable to talk about, but eventually we had to talk about it, whether he liked it or not.

'i don't wanna pressurize you with this but, i wanna talk about that eli guy.' i said, without hesitation now.

he didn't say anything.

'what time is it?' he asked, avoiding my question.
'7:26pm, and don't avoid my question, coxon.' i stated.
'damon, i'm not having this conversation.' he moved his head from my shoulder.
'well, i am.' i said.

coxon began turning red. he had now moved a few inches away from me.

'what do you want to know?' he said, sounding molested.
'what he was like.'
'you already know that, you don't need more answers.' he said, cutting me off.
'you know what i mean.'

this is exactly what i didn't want this conversation to turn out, but coxon was giving me a hard time.

he bobbed his head down, like he always did when he was upset. i glanced at him for a moment, my eyes trying to decrypt his thoughts, trying to decrypt what was going on in his mind right now.

he made a grimace and rubbed his face with his hands.

'look, i'm trying to be as polite as possible but you just keep getting exasperated and-
'because i don't wanna talk about it!' he yelped.
'oh and when do you plan to? eventually, you will have to.' i said, firmly.

he looked at me vaguely. i could see tears starting to form in the cornea of his eyes, and a tear running down his cheek, fastly wipping it.

'no! you're always so insistive, you say you don't want to pressurize me with this, yet you are so desperately looking for answers when i don't wanna give them to you! what makes you think you deserve them?!' he had lost it.

'why do you care so much?!' he said with pain in his voice, defeated.
he bobbed his head down again.

'because i'm your goddamn-

i paused the word boyfriend almost forming.

'-best friend!'

that was close.

'i'm your best friend and i want the best for you, because it seems like everytime i want to ask you about him, you just cut me off and i don't want you to keep hurting if you have a grudge towards him, because it seems to me like you have something against him!' i raised my voice.

but coxon was right, i was so desperate for looking for answers when i didn't deserve them at the moment.

coxon looked up at me dismayed, like if i had just revealed one of his most hidden secrets. his face was all red and i could see he wanted to burst out into tears already.
words tried to escape his mouth but couldn't come up with something.

'i just- i-' there was a knot in his throat.

'i just don't feel ready enough to give you answers yet. i don't- i don't feel strong enough to talk about it.' he said, muffled.

he was trying so hard to hold it, but when i reached my arm up to him to embrace him, all the fragile things inside him broke and he began to shed hot lava tears, feeling defeated. it was like the time he had almost drowned on that pool.

'i'm sorry, i know i shouldn't had put pressure on you with this.' i said, softly.

i squeezed his hand and traced his spine on his back with my index finger, followed by drawing small circles.

the sun had already set down, and only orange and lilac layers were observed in the sky, followed by small flashes of light on the horizon, the night was yet to come.

'let it out when you feel ready, okay dear?' i asked, lifting his chin up to me.

he nodded.

i cupped my hands in his face, planting a light kiss on his forehead and coxon grabbing my wrists as i did so.

'right, time to go. your parents won't take long to arrive home and if i'm late, they're going to hate me more than they already do.' i said as i opened the car and got in.

'they don't hate you.' he said.
'sure they don't.' i smirked.
'i have told them about you, they think you're fine.' he said, playing with the sleeves of my hoodie.
'oh, they do?' i asked, actually surprised.

he smirked and nodded.

'well, that's a win.' i said as i started the car.
'oh and by the way, before you get in, put your trousers on. i don't want your parents to change their minds about me.' i said and he began to blush, this time, a vividly red.

A/N
two chapters in a day woop woop:)) anyways i hope yall enjoyed