Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
🌹
I never imagined that Adonis and I would declare our love for each other in a Popeyes, but that's exactly what happened.
Whenever the band was on the road, we had a routine of meeting at the bus when it was checkout time at the hotel. The road crew would already be gone with the equipment, but we'd load our own bags onto Big Bertha and wait until everyone was there, then move on to our next destination.
Adonis was almost always the last to arrive, usually because he was making last-minute clothing changes or doing his hair or shaving. It had gotten to the point where he never went out in public without looking his best; we never knew when reporters or fans or producers might be in a crowd or just waiting on the sidewalk if they saw our bus pull up.
This particular morning, though, it wasn't Adonis who was last to arrive: it was Abraham. The rest of us sat talking on the bus, and Adonis kept saying how hungry he was. His favorite food was fried chicken with tons of hot sauce; I had noticed a Popeyes across the street but didn't say anything about it. I assumed that Abraham was just on the phone with a promoter or something. There was no telling when he might return.
Adonis, however, had spotted the Popeyes, too. He was going to do what he wanted-he usually did. "Selena, come with me to go get some chicken," he said.
Everybody knew we had started a relationship by then, and they had our backs. The first thing Abraham would do when he returned to the bus was ask where we were, but we knew they'd just say, "Adonis went to Popeyes and Selena went with him."
Abraham probably wouldn't think anything of it. In fact, he'd feel better because I had a chaperone. That thought made me feel bad once again about all of the sneaking around we were doing, since I knew that he genuinely cared about me.
I thought we'd order a box of chicken to go, but Adonis wanted to sit at a table. We sat near a window so that we could see the bus. And then he just started talking, asking me about my feelings.
"For real, Selena. Ain't nobody made me this happy before," Adonis said. "I love being with you, baby. But...I gotta know where this thing is headed...you know?"
I decided that I had to tell him right then how I really felt. This was a terrifying prospect. I'd had boyfriends before. I had even said I loved them, because I thought I knew what love was. But I had never experienced the feelings I had for Adonis, and I told him so. I just opened up and said how happy he made me feel.
"I always look forward to seeing you and spending time with you," I said. "To be honest, I can never wait until we see each other again. When we're not on the road, I wish that I could speed up time so that I could be with you. And, when we're together, I wish that I could slow time down."
I told him that I didn't feel right hiding our relationship from his father. It was gnawing away at me. I was tired of the secrecy. "I wake up sometimes in the morning and I just feel so sick, like I'm doing something wrong and just haven't been caught yet. I mean, Adonis...we gotta tell him."
Adonis nodded. He understood where I was coming from, he said, but he still thought it was too soon to tell Abraham. "We just gotta wait for the right moment, baby. That's all."
I wondered if there ever would be such a moment, but didn't tell him that. "Don't get me wrong, Adonis," I said. "I'd never let my guilt about hiding this from your father stop me from seeing you. It's just that...if I could change one thing, it would be that. Abraham is like a father to me, and I feel like I'm betraying him. But I will always want to be with you."
I just stopped talking, then, wondering suddenly what Adonis thought about everything I'd just said. He sat back in his chair and let out a big sigh as he looked out the window, bringing his fingers to his chin. He was dead silent, for a second, and I was holding my breath, not knowing what was coming next.
To my relief, Adonis jumped up and leaned forward across the table to me, looked me in the eyes and said, "Fuck it. I love you."
That was the thing about Adonis: He was one of the most straightforward and bravest people I've ever known, not just onstage, but in relationships. He was really quick to put his feelings out there. You always knew where you stood with him. There was no manipulation, no lying or games. Adonis was purely himself, and true to who he was and what he believed in.
My heart was pounding so hard that I thought everyone in that chicken place could hear it. My pulse was racing and I just wanted to get up and shout, "Did you hear what Adonis just said? He loves me! He loves me!" I had never been happier in my life than I was at that moment, hearing that declaration of love from Adonis.
I giggled. "I love you, too," I said.
It felt good to have taken that next step and declared our feelings aloud to each other, even as we watched out the window for Abraham. Adonis reached across the table and took my hand in his, placing a sweet kiss on it and kept a tight grip on it. We just sat there for a while, touching and loving each other, secure in the knowledge that we would never let go.
I wore the biggest smile on my face as we walked back to the bus. To this day, I still carry that big smile, when I remember how happy we were that day. At the time, though, he had to scold me. "Aye, girl! Stop all that damn grinning!" He said. "Your silly behind is gonna give us away!"
But it wasn't me who put our relationship in jeopardy-it was in fact Adonis. A few short months after Adonis and I first declared our love in that Popeyes, I sat across from him in a Hampton police station, wondering if he had completely destroyed the best thing that had happened to either of us.
