adira.

⭐️ une ⭐️

"i don't want to be where i am at, i want to be in my own little world without troubles and without being hurt, where my heart won't crack."
- phil

Anthony : 'priceless'
-

I should be happy, I really should after all I'm leaving the place that made me feel worthless. But there's still a few things that's stopping me from enjoying the moment and moving on from my past.

First of all, I would be naive if I really thought I was going to be able to escape my demons by just leaving the town. I know for a fact that it'll take more than that.

Second thing, I'm going back to my hometown and to be honest I'm not sure if it's better, I mean I'm going back to where I left everyone behind without uttering a word. There's no doubt that they hate me.

Lastly, I don't want everyone to see that I haven't got better. I wasn't great when I left but now I'm ten times worse. The funny thing is that you see all those books about the girls disappearing then becoming some new confident and beautiful women. Yeah, that's the opposite of what's happened to me and also I didn't runaway from bullies. I ran away because of the pain of my own thoughts and feelings.

I've lost myself completely and more people of this world is going to see it.

I'm pulled away from my thoughts when my dad stops the car outside our new house.

"Home sweet home," my dad says whilst turning to me with a grin taking up his face. I couldn't help but let out a little giggle and I allowed a ghost smile to grace my lips for a few seconds.

"I guess it is," I agree, I can allow myself to be happy for a day, even if it's just to make my dad not worry.

I let out a sigh and step into the fresh air, whilst looking up at my house. It's a two bedroom house, perfect for just me and my dad. I'm hoping we won't have to down size anymore, not only is moving exhausting, but I cannot deal with the heartbreak anymore.

My dad's phone rings causing me to spin back round and look at him. He gives me an apologetic smile and walks in the house whilst talking to his boss most probably.

I shake my head and sigh, I grab a few of my bags and start making way to the front door ready for a new start. Well I mean as much of one as I can get.

-

After a couple of hours of unpacking I finally finish my room as much as I could. I flop onto my bed and stare up at the ceiling.

I'm dreading tomorrow, it's my first day back at my old school that I haven't set foot in for three years.

The fear of seeing everyone I used to know is terrifying and without my brother I'm even more terrified. The small thought of my brother causes a tear to fall out my eye.

There goes my one happy day.

A few more tears roll down my face and the next thing I know I'm sobbing into my pillow so hard that I didn't notice my dad walk into my room and sit next to me.

"Adira, sweetie I know it's hard and you know I'm here for you, I will be forever, also I'm pretty sure Anthony would plan something up there if I didn't," he says with a little laugh at the end, the mention of my twin brother's protectiveness over me makes me laugh with the tears still streaming down my face.

"It's unfair dad, he did nothing wrong, why did he get taken away from us?" I cried. My dad stroked my back in a comforting way.

"I don't know honey, I really don't know," his voice cracks a little at the end making my heart break into more pieces than I thought was possible.

Once my tears have slowed down I sit up and hug him. He strokes my hair telling me it'll get easier and promising me that Anthony is in a better place.

"Come on Adds, lets go order a take out," dad says after five minutes of hugging, I nodded and let go. He stands up, gives me a small smile and walks out of my room. I get up and go to my mirror.

The girl looking back at me used to be full of life and happy. A long time ago though.

I pick up the picture on my desk of my brother and I, posing with silly faces and I let out a small chuckle. I don't think we was ever serious around each other.

After dinner, my dad put on Monsters Inc. our favourite movie of all time, we don't care that it's a disney film, he's a grown adult and I'm 17 but we still love it.

-

"Sweetie you have school in the morning, you should probably go to bed," dad day's whilst yawning. The thought of school brings back the fear. Anything could go wrong tomorrow and I'm not ready to be confronted by my old classmates and him. What would he even say to me?...

"Yeah that sounds like a good idea, goodnight dad," I say whilst giving him one last hug. I make my way back up to my room and sit by my window.

It opens like a door and I could easily get on the roof. I think to myself and with that I'm climbing onto my roof at 11pm. I look around at a few house on my street seeing all their lights off which reminds me yet again that I have school in the morning.

As I move to go back into my room I hear people walking down the streets laughing and joking around. I look at them and blink back the tears because despite how much I long to have that I knew I probably wouldn't ever get it.

Once they've walked off I head back inside, and I lay on my bed letting sleep take over me. The darkness of unconsciousness was probably the closest thing I had to a best friend at the moment.

-

1153 words.

comment what you think. (:

x