adira.

⭐️ deux ⭐️

"the anxiety so surreal, the sadness, the pain... it's hard to keep going, when all you want to do is give up."

- T.C

Xavier : 'savior'
Alisa (uh - lihs - uh) : 'great happiness'
Issac : 'laughter'

-

Anxious was an understatement on how I was feeling this morning when I woke up. I felt sick, the fear and dread hanging over my head before I had even left my bed. I'm scared to face my past, call me a coward or whatever but it's not easy.

I can't back out though, I have to pretend to be strong for my dad, he doesn't need to be even more stressed especially after the death of Anthony.

I drag myself out of my bed and look for something to wear, I decided on some simple light blue high waisted jeans and a white sweater. Nothing too out there, maybe if I try stay invisible no one will even remember me?

Wishing that was the case, I tie my plain brown hair into a messy bun and apply a little makeup.

I grab my bag and walk downstairs to see my dad sat in the kitchen with a plate of pancakes in the empty space next to him.

"Good morning dad," I say after I kissed his cheek, I sit down and start eating my pancakes.

"Morning honey, sleep well?" He asks and looks away from his laptop.

"As good as I can, you?" I ask back.

"I slept well thank you sweetie, you'll get used to it after awhile don't worry, anyways I'll drop you at school today so don't take too long eating your pancakes."

"I know I will it's just hard you know, and thanks dad."

"Like I said it'll get easier I promise," he smiles at me then looks back at his laptop.

I finish of my pancakes and put my plate in the dishwasher.

"Ready?" My dad asks me. I nod and head out to my dads car.

The ride from my house to my school was only about 10 minutes and before I know it I'm outside my first highschool.

It looks the same as it did three years ago, the red bricks together to create a maze of classrooms and hangout spots. There's kids from freshman to seniors everywhere and my anxiety heightens.

I didn't even notice I was shaking until my dad grabbed my hand and stopped me.

"Adira, I know this is difficult but you can do this, and if you feel panicky remember what your therapist told you, and don't forget your breathing techniques, if it gets too bad go to the office and get them to call me, i'll be right there ok?" he reassures me, it puts me at a little bit of an ease, maybe this won't be so bad after all.

"Ok dad, I love you, have a good day at work," I open my door and get out.

"I love you too honey, I'll pick you up at 4:00," I wave at him as he drives off, then turn around and face my school. I breathe in deeply and start walking towards the office.

As I'm walking I take in my surroundings, girls gossiping with one and another, boys play fighting in the hallway. Smart kids using as much time as possible to study on the benches outside, couples making out in hidden corners, I've seen a few familiar faces from my grade but made sure to quickly look away. After what seems forever I finally make it to the office.