I laid face down on my hotel bed, not doing anything as the unbelievable pain enveloped me like a thick blanket.
I couldn't escape it.
And I didn't want to.
Because I hurt Matt.
And I know I deserve it.
And I know that whatever I'm feeling, is nothing compared to what Matt and Savannah are feeling right now.
I closed my eyes and felt as the tears slipped down my cheeks.
I sniffled and caught the smell of everything around me.
I haven't showered.
I haven't eaten a thing.
I could only lay here, wallowing in my self misery.
I hurt Matt.
In the worst possible way.
And I know I don't deserve him.
The only thing I want, is to take back everything I had done.
Take back my affair with Zacky, take back betraying Matt and Savannah.
Just take back everything.
I never meant for things to get so out of hand.
And I don't know why I let this happen.
I cried out as I remember all of my times with Matt.
When he would just look at me and I could feel all of the emotions without him having to tell me.
I missed feeling his arms around me, holding me tightly and making me feel loved.
I closed my eyes, trying not to see his face in my head.
There was a knock at my door and I cringed at the sound.
I hadn't heard anything but the vibration of my phone and the sound of my own tears hitting the pillow case in the last four days.
The knocking didn't stop and it was starting to get on my nerves.
"Go away." I croaked.
But the knocking didn't stop.
I pulled myself out of bed and dragged my feet across the floor.
My hand closed around the door handle and I let it swing open.
"What?" I growled.
Standing there in front of me was Zacky.
He stared me up and down and I didn't even blink when his eyes widened at the sight of me.
"Missy? What the hell happened?" Zacky asked me.
"I'm heart broken. What do you think happened? And what the fuck are you doing here anyway! It's your fault all of this happened!" I yelled at him.
Zacky again, didn't look fazed.
"I know you're angry at me. But I didn't want things to go down this way either. In case you forgot, you're not the only one who got hurt in this situation. I lost my girlfriend and my best friend four days ago!" Zacky yelled back.
I cringed at the tone in his voice.
I looked down and the tears started to spill again.
I heard Zacky step closer and his laid his hands on my shoulders.
I shuttered away from his touch.
"Don't touch me. Please don't touch me." I cried as the tears continued to spill down my cheeks.
He cupped my cheeks and wiped the tears away.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell." Zacky said softly.
"Have you talked to Savannah?" I asked, my eyes glued to the floor.
"No. She won't answer any of my calls. And I'm not brave enough to face her or Matt yet." Zacky told me.
I nodded.
"I understand." I said.
"How are you doing?" Zacky asked.
"I miss him. So much. And I know I have no right to. He deserves so much better." I told him.
Zacky stayed quiet and grabbed my hand, pulling me over to the bed and making me sit down.
"Look at me." He told me.
I didn't look up at him.
"Missy, you are a good woman. I know that first hand. What we did was wrong, and I know that. You know that. There is no reason to continue punishing yourself. We both lost people we care about. Now what are we gonna do about it?" Zacky asked me.
"There's nothing to do. I hurt Matt, in the worst way. There's no excuses, no apologizes, nothing that can make that better. He deserves someone better. And after some time, he'll forget about me. And he'll meet her." I said, the words catching in my throat.
"That's bullshit and you know that. I know that you love Matt more than anything. And I truly am sorry about the way things happened. I had a little bit too much to drink, and things got out of hand. And I'll do anything to make things right. You want Matt, and I want Savannah." Matt said.
I looked up at him.
"What if he doesn't want me back?" I asked him softly.
"He loves you. And I know he'll want you back no matter what." Zacky told me.
"Do you promise?" I said.
"I promise you. Now let's get the hell out of here and get our here and go get them back." He said urgently.
I grinned and jumped up.
I was headed towards the door when Zacky's arm stopped me.
I turned and looked at him with a confused look.
"What?" I asked him.
"Maybe you should take a shower first." Zacky suggested.
I looked down at myself and nodded.
That would probably be a good idea.
