The Cost of Falling

Chapter 23

I wasn't ready for the sun to come up. The morning didn't prepare me for my phone to ring, so I turned the ringer off and shoved it under my pillow. All I had to do was make it to tonight. It was Thursday, so I would be at the Bennis house eating pizza and watching a movie. Until then, I would avoid my phone and my life. It would be fine. I could kill time, and I would start with a long shower.

I let the water flow until it ran ice cold, and even then, I stayed until I thought I might lose a toe to hypothermia. The towel was warm, reminding me of Conner, causing a painful pang to shoot through me. I drowned it out with the hairdryer, then focused on straightening my hair. Once there was nothing left to do with my hair, I dragged out my nail polishes. I settled on pink for my toes and purple for my fingers. As I painted my thumb, I thought of Danny. I turned up the radio to drown out my thoughts again.

I was proud of myself for wasting an hour and a half as I tugged on a pair of shorts and a tank. I didn't bother to grab my phone; no good news would come today. I chased the thought away with plans for a big brunch. Knowing my cooking skills, that could take the rest of the day alone. I stuck my feet in my pink fuzzy slippers and headed out of my room. I only made it halfway to the stairs when I saw him stand out of the corner of my eye.

"I tried to call." His voice was always quiet. "Emma, we have to talk."

I didn't want to; I ached to run away from the emerald pools of his eyes and hide, but it was no use. Why did people call it dumped? Deserted was more accurate.

"Emma," he took a step closer.

I knew I looked like an animal on the verge of running, like a scared puppy that lost my way from my loving family and feared everything around me. I opened my mouth to say something but didn't know what would come out.

"I don't want to talk." The truth came out.

"Emma..." his voice had that same soft tone he used when Wendy skinned her knee chasing a butterfly.

"Conner, please don't do this. I need you." At that moment, I was sure I needed Conner more than ever. Whatever I felt for Danny was trying to rip me apart; Conner was the only thing keeping me together.

He moved closer again, so close he could reach out and touched me. "Em, I'm not going anywhere; just talk to me."

I wasn't fair to him. The pain was ripping through him; I wanted desperately to make it go away. He held out a hand to me like he had so many times. Conner never forced it; he just let it linger in the air, and I would always take it. He pulled me in close, allowing a familiar hand to smooth my hair.

"You always smell like strawberries," he murmured as he kissed the crown of my head.

"Please don't leave me." I couldn't stop the tears from overflowing.

He lifted my face so he could rest his forehead on mine; memories of Danny tainted the tender move. He scanned me, and I welcomed it. Conner could study all he wanted; he'd see I needed him.

"Emma, I'll always be here, no matter what." He was comforting me, making me feel more selfish with every tender word. "We just won't be..."

I jerked my face from him and burrowed into his shoulder. "Please, Conner, I love you."

"I know, Emma. I love you too." We had never said it before; it must have meant something.

I dragged my eyes to him, but I could see how broken he was when we met.

"Tell me you're falling in love with me." It was a desperate cry. "Even if you just think you may be able to."

I couldn't speak; I was just empty.