Abstract of Life

Smile; Gift or a Curse?

"Are you insane? Why would we befriend a loser like you?"

"I'm sorry but I just used you."

"You're so dumb! You can't perfect a simple Math Exam?!"

"Useless. You're undeserving!"

Those tormenting words keep on ringing on my head, it was forever embedded in my system. I caress my cheeks absentmindedly, it's soaking wet with tears continuously falling from my eyes.

I look at the mirror in front of me, and there, I saw a reflection -- of someone who's completely messed up. A disgusting pathetic disappointement.

Sinubukan kong pahidan ang mga luhang walang tigil sa pagpatak, ilang beses kong sinuntok ang dibdib ko sa pag-aakalang maaalis nito ang sakit. But no; the pain is too much to handle, it's unbearable, it's tormenting.

"Ganyan ka na lang ba palagi? You will let yourself wallow in self-pity and despair? You know why they call you loser? It's because you can't do anything but cry!"

Nanlaki ang mga namamaga kong mata dahil sa pagluha sa paglitaw ng isang imahe sa aking likuran. Nilukob ng takot ang buo kong sistema, ni hindi ko maigalaw maging ang aking mga daliri.

I look at her carefully, and my eyes widened even bigger.

"W-we look exactly the same." Even the voice on my head is trembling in both confusion and fear.

"Wh-who are you?!" Despite of the terror engulfing my body, I managed to asked her.

"I am--" She paused and plastered a sinister grin on her face. "You..."

Wh-what the fuck is she saying? She's giving me so much creep!

"I am you Airen. I'm your conscience that you keep on burrying into your deepest core." She then leaned closer to me and whispered.

"Come on Airen, let your demons out, let the darkness inside you veiled your heart. Do you want to know how to avenge your pitiful self with those scums?"

"H-how?"

She let out an eerie laugh and caress my tangled hair, shivers are currently running down my spine.

"Smile Airen, your smile is the perfect way to let them sink in mud. Show them that their words don't affect you!"

S-smile?

"B-but I can't do it. Everything's screwed up that I-i almost forgot how to smile."

"Then ask me Airen. Just one simple request and I'll surely grant it. Now, bawl your heart out."

I tightly closed my eyes, I don't even know what was gotten into me, but I fell in my own trap. I was lured in my own vexation.

"Pl-please help me to smile again to avenge my pitiful mourns and war of cry. I-i want to smile forever, a smile that can lure everyone"

She ominously smiled and whispered to my ears. Her voice is cold; lifeless ad void of any emotion. Is that my self beneath my weak facade?

"You can never take it back Airen."

I looked at her for the last time, we really look the same. My mind started to become hazy, my head's spinning and aching as hell. Her hush is the last sound I heard before I fall into a deep and long slumber.

Morning came, the chirping sound of bird wake me up. I immediately go to the bathroom to do my morning routines. I look at myself in front of the mirror.

Nanlaki ang mata ko sa aking nakita, tila maging ang aking sariling paningin ay ayaw maniwala sa imaheng nasa aking harapan. Naninibago maging ang sarili kong katawan.