Abstract of Life

That should be me

"I will marry you in this church."

I look at the man beside me who's glancing at the altar in front of us. I smile and hold his hand.

"We'll be pronounced as husband and wife in this sacred place." My mind speaks.

No words came out, but the silence between the two of us is enough to understand each ones wandering soul.

Years had passed, here I am standing and can't wait to see him. My lips are trembling in mix emotions; anticipation, nervous, and excitement engulfed my body.

As soon as the door open, blinding white light welcomed my sight. I momentarily close my eyes and breathed deep.

I saw my man, smiling all ears and can't wait to hold the bride's hands for them to finally be legal in the eyes of everyone.

I started walking -- not in the middle of the aisle, but on the corner of this hall. I hold the mic firmly and started humming to the rhythm of a song. Yes, I'm singing for my supposed to be husband's marriage.

The lucky girl with a veil and dressed with a beautiful white gown continue walking. My eyes started to brim with tears.

"Do you, Eros, take Kiana as your wife, and promise to be with her for better or worst, in sickness and in health."

Kahit sa huling pagkakataon, umaasa akong 'hindi' ang isasagot niya. Ngunit alam kong hindi na, imposible na...

"I do."

I close my eyes and covered my mouth to suppress the escaping sob.

"You may now kiss the bride."

Ni hindi ko namalayang tapos na pala ang misa, kasabay ng pagtatapos ng kung anumang meron sa amin. Nang sandaling lumapat ang mga labi niya sa kaniya, pakiramdam ko ay unti-unting tinatakasan ng lakas ang katawan ko, nadudurog ang aking puso.

"Wag mo na kasing tingnan kung ayaw mong masaktan."

My crying orbs averted on the man beside me, it's Luther, Eros's bestfriend. I did not bother to answer him and immediately made my way out of the church. Habang tumatagal ako dito ay mas unti-unti akong pinapatay, the air inside seems so suffocating for me.

I inhale the air outside, and for some strange reason, it gives me serendipity. But it's just a matter of time when that calmness fade. Nagmistulang gripo ang mga mata ko sa sandaling pumatak ang aking mga luha, kahit anong hampas ko sa aking dibdib at punas sa mga mata ay walang epekto. The pain is unbearable, it's tormenting, it's heart-shattering.

Eros, my man, suffered in a near-death accident. The doctor said it's a miracle that he survived. Sobrang tuwa ko nang sabihing ligtas siya, ngunit wala pang ilang sandali ng bawiin ang kasiyahang iyon nang sandaling imulat niya ang kaniyang mga mata.

"Wh-who are you?" I can still perfectly remember his question the moment he woke up, the question who broke me in to million pieces. The accident causes him to suffer from severe memory loss. The only thing he remembered is upto to the moment that she met his ex-girlfriend, my sister. And me? I'm just a mere stranger in his memories. And now, they are the one who will reach the heaven above.

       
.        𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘦 𝘮𝘦
        𝘏𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘴
        𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘦 𝘮𝘦
        𝘔𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩
        𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘦 𝘮𝘦
        𝘔𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘢𝘥

A song invaded my hearing. Tila nakikipaglaro pa sa akin ang tadhana, sa lahat ba naman ng pwedeng marinig ko? Bakit yung kanta pang magpapasidhi sa sakit na nararamdaman ko?

       𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘦 𝘮𝘦
       𝘍𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘴
      𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘦 𝘮𝘦
      𝘉𝘶𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘪𝘧𝘵𝘴
     

I felt a cold liquid brush upon my skin, I look above just to see the sky shedding its tears. Mukang maging ang langit at nakikiramay sa sakit na unti-unting dumudurog sa akin. I was now soaking wet, my make-up is completely messed up, tears are continuously falling from my eyes.

I let out a deep sigh and whispered underneath my breath...

"Gusto pa kitang ilaban, pero hindi na pwede. Tadhana na ang may gusto, pagkakataon na ang may hatol."

"We're not to be together, not fated to forever."

"Ako dapat yung babaeng papakasalan mo, yung babaeng makakasama mo sa isang bahay kasama ang bubuuin nating pamilya. That should be me, but our love is already ended by destiny..."