Safe

Nine

         If Nike thought time had been slow before, she knew she'd need a new qualifier for how slothful time was in her life. It seemed to her that time trickled.
For the rest of the world, things went on normally. Her siblings went back to school— they couldn't ignore their academics any longer— and Lola went back to work, only coming home at night with even more work to finish so she only had a few minutes to spend with her sister.
Their parents of course split their time between work and the police station, doing everything they could to catch their daughter's abductors and in the process, left Nike behind in the dust.
She'd never felt so alone, or helpless before in her life. She spent her days struggling to keep down the food she managed to eat and spent her nights huddled in the chair in her room watching her bed warily, as if it might swallow her. And it showed on her that she was struggling. Her slender, curvy frame fell away quickly leaving her gangly and dull and her eyes, usually so bright and full of mischief, had dimmed so much that when she looked in the mirror, a stranger looked back at her. When she did sleep, she dreamt of a thick, suffocating darkness swallowing her. She felt pain so real and so present that she didn't even know whether she was dreaming or not.
Her friends called and came to the house to see her but she stayed upstairs in her room, listening to her parents tell them she didn't want to see them.
It broke her heart to see them call and come by everyday, she wanted to reach out and grab one of them by the leg and just never let go but all she did was sit and stare at the wall, wasting away right in front of everyone.
She had become so used to exchanging pleasantries with her family, hedging around the problem and pretending they all didn't see it that she was shocked when Lola dropped her bag in front of her with a thud one evening.
"I have the day off tomorrow and I'm taking you to see a psychiatrist."
Nike squinted up at her from her seat at the table and feeling really dumb for a second, just hummed in reply.
"This thing you're doing," Lola said gesturing to her sister and the surroundings, "you lock yourself in the house, not sleeping, eating or even living. It ends tomorrow so I suggest you throw one last pity party tonight!"
Nike opened her mouth and closed it again, realizing she had nothing to say. Lola had a point, she was going to die if she continued the way she was, either from malnutrition or from the lack of sleep besides going to the doctor didn't mean she had to participate in anything.
"And if you think you're going to sit there and stare at the doctor, you have another thing coming because I'm not going to spend that much money for you to waste it!" Then she picked up her bag and stalked out of the room.
Knowing it was better to escape while she could, she slunk upstairs quickly, preventing the inevitable tug of war over her eating habits that was sure to come.
          Lola was in her room bright and early the following morning which didn't bother her much since she'd been awake for hours already but going outside, where people who knew what had happened to her would be was a little much for her and she almost voiced that out except her sister marched into the room, found the smallest of her clothes, something she hadn't worn in years, and forced her to get dressed. In less than two hours, they were seated in the waiting room of a small but busy clinic that was completely unassuming on the outside. Inside, people moved about quickly, the two nurses at the front desk calling patient's names and directing them efficiently.
"So is this a mental health clinic?" She asked Lola noting that most of the people present were apparently healthy which meant they were there for the same reason she was.
"Something like that." Lola answered absently tapping away at her phone. Seeing that her sister wasn't paying attention to her, she turned her attention elsewhere tapping her feet nervously hoping it would help stifle the instinct to run that she had.
She wished she had her phone or a book to read while they waited and for the first time, regretted not letting her parents get her a new phone. It had seemed like the best decision at the time, she knew that all her social media would be filled with tags to missing posters and that she'd trended for weeks while she was missing. The last thing she wanted was to go online and be reminded of what she'd been through. Besides she didn't even have the energy to.
Finally, after about an hour of waiting, her name was called and they were shown into the doctor's office. Nike gave a surprised gasp when they entered and saw the doctor behind the desk. She was a lovely, young woman, only a few years older than Nike's twenty two years at most, and very pretty. She stood to welcome them and showed them their seats.
"Good morning, I'm Dr Mesoma Obinze, how are you today?" She asked with a smile that should have been fake with how bright it was but she felt warm and welcoming and Nike felt her head lighten at the sight.
She swallowed as she realized the doctor was waiting for a response and mumbled that she was fine. That seemed to satisfy the lady who sat and faced them with her hands clasped together in front of her.
Lola spoke first, "thank you so much doctor for taking the time to see us today. I know it was last minute."
"That's why I'm here" she said with a smile.
"I'm guessing the consultation is for you, Miss Makinde." She said looking down at her computer.
"Actually, we're both Miss Makinde." Lola laughed.
"She's my little sister and I booked this session. She's been through a rough few weeks and she's coping very badly, she's not sleeping or eating and I got so worried."
Dr Obinze turned to Nike who was rolling her eyes so hard it was surprising they hadn't fallen out yet. She kept her face carefully neutral as she said to her, "would you rather tell me what's going on?"
"She's overreacting." Nike said with a sigh.
"You think so?" Dr Obinze asked and Nike turned away from her gaze to look around the office.
It was bright like it's occupant and was neatly arranged with what seemed like a work area where they were sitting and another area that was more relaxed with couches and a nice, little center table, Nike guessed that was where the therapizing took place.
When she turned back, Dr Obinze was still looking at her waiting for an answer.
"Yeah, I think so."
"I don't think she's overreacting."
"And how would you know that?" Nike asked annoyed that she was so confident in her judgement.
"You're a very lovely woman dont get me wrong, but you look tired. I can see that you haven't been eating or resting well, I don't need her to tell me." She said gesturing to Lola.
"Do you know why you're here?"
"Because my sister can't mind her business?"
"Mind my business? You are my business!" Lola countered and Nike turned to her with an angry glare that had more emotion than she'd shown in weeks.
"Are you? I don't need a psychiatrist, I'm fine!"
"No, you're not!" Lola seethed.
"Ladies, please. Let's calm down, shouting won't get us anywhere."
Both women turned to her immediately.
"Fine, since you're the all knowing one who will fix me, let's hear what you have to say."
"Nike, I'm not going to fix you. You don't need fixing, you need help and I'm offering that to you.
You might not want it but your sister is right, this is a good first step to a healthier life."
"You think I'm unhealthy? Try spending three months in the middle of nowhere being beaten to a pulp and tell me about unhealthy!"
"Nike, no one is saying..." Lola started but was quickly cut off by Nike who was beyond annoyed at that point.
"I know exactly what you're saying! That there's something wrong with me! Is it my fault that I was kidnapped? Is it?"
By then, she was out of her seat and stalking around the office in anger. Lola turned a worried eye on Dr Obinze who shook her head subtly at her.
"Nike, why don't you sit? We can talk better when you sit."
"Stop talking to me like I'm a child!"
"I understand that you're upset and I think you should sit so we can figure out why you're so angry."
"You want to know why I'm angry?" She stopped pacing and turned to the doctor.
"I'm angry because I saw someone die, was kidnapped for seeing it, and was locked away for weeks with psychopaths who beat me when I tried to get away!"
"Do you see these?" She asked, turning her arms up so the scars marking her were visible.
"These came from trying to run away. I survived that so I won't sit here and have you tell me how to feel!"
The room was silent for a minute as everyone took in her outburst, Dr Obinze recovered first which was only right since she was the psychologist in the room, looking up carefully at Nike she asked carefully, "what do you want us to do then?"
Nike sputtered as if she'd been expecting every response but that one, glared at her sister then stomped back to her seat.
"Look just leave me alone. That's something right? That's what I want!"
Lola sighed and against the doctor's subtle suggestions, sat up and turned to her sister.
"You want me to leave you alone like this? Do you realize mum cries every night when she thinks we're asleep and dad isn't much better? They don't know what to do with you! We only want to help but we don't know how, this is how I can help. Please let me help you."
Nike looked down at her shoes at the break in her sister's voice and thought about her parents. She never considered how her hurt was hurting them, they'd seemed like they didn't care but what if they were keeping busy so they didn't have to see her the way she was?
"I don't know..." She broke off into tears. "I don't know how to be better." She wailed.
"I know but we can help. She can help." Lola cried gesturing across the desk at Dr Obinze who was just watching them silently.
"I'm sorry Lola, I'm so sorry." Nike kept saying as she cried which made Lola wrap her in her arms as tightly as she could from her chair.
"This is a good place to start." Lola whispered to her praying that the desperation she felt reflected in her voice. She just wanted her sister back, everything else didn't matter to her.
"Do you think you can help me?" Nike sniffed to Dr Obinze after a while. She smiled and nodded which made Nike smile through her tears.
"Of course. We'll all help you."
Then she said a box of tissues across the desk at her and rose to go to a fridge they hadn't noticed before asking along the way if they wanted some water.
They both drank, grateful for the refreshment and Lola kept thinking she'd made the right choice with the doctor.
Dr Obinze let them gather themselves then told them everything they needed to know about the therapy sessions they were going to schedule. They made appointments and rose to leave, both of them hugging her at the door, before leaving her office.
In the car, Nike reached over to stop her sister from starting the car and looked at her, struggling to find the words she wanted, words that could convey her feelings. Lola understood and put her hand over hers with a watery smile that said everything Nike needed to hear.
"Do you want to get lunch before we go home?" Lola asked as they drove away from the clinic.
Nike wasn't hungry and she opened her mouth to make an excuse but looked at her sister and seeing the hope in her expression, swallowed her words and nodded.
Lola beamed in response and started telling her about a place she'd just discovered that sold wonderful pastries and drinks knowing that she loved sweets and hoping she would be enticed by the promise of the goodies.
Sugar, sugar and more sugar did sound wonderful to Nike but the thought of putting any of it in her mouth made her want to run in the other direction but she wanted to make her sister happy so she plastered a smile on hoping it hid her nervousness.
At the cafe, Nike got a meat pie and a fruity smoothie held in a glass that was so tall she wondered where she was supposed to put it all, and sat with her sister. Eyes still on the glass, she agreed half-heartedly with something Lola was saying, praying she wouldn't throw up with how nauseous she was getting.
Nonetheless, she focused on the pastry and broke off a crumb inhaling the divine scent on its way to her mouth. How could something smell so good and still be so revolting? She noticed from a quick glance that Lola was halfway through her small chops plate and was rapidly depleting her juice. Realizing she had no choice, she went as fast as she could through the meat pie, chewing but not tasting and slurped her smoothie. She wished she could slow down and enjoy her meal but didn't need a seer to tell her it wouldn't end well.
"I can't finish this, it's huge." She complained.
Lola who was so glad that her sister had eaten something was only too excited to finish it for her. Nike managed to eat the rest of her meat pie and was able to relax when it was gone, proud of herself for actually eating it.
She waited while Lola answered a phone call but a sudden wave of nausea had her gripping her knee for balance. With deep breaths, she willed herself to keep it in but knew she was fighting a losing battle. It would be easier to just let go so she signified to her sister that she needed a moment and found the toilets where everything she'd just eaten came up again. She washed her hands and her mouth then reapplied the meager lip balm she'd been wearing, at least Lola wouldn't notice anything was out of place.
Lola was standing by the door when she emerged into the cafe and quickly joined her by the door.
"Are you alright?" She asked as they got into the car. Nike nodded and looked out the window leaving Lola to drive them home in silence.