Received a message from Mom saying that Dad is drinking, which means he already knew.
Came from work and as soon as I entered our home, Dad greeted me with a smile.
Changed my clothes then Dad told me that he is not mad. Of course nashock siya but hindi na naman daw maibabalik pa ang nangyari na. In fact, it is good that while he isn't that old yet daw when this happened. He still has a lot of time to play with his grandchild.
After hearing Dad's words, I can still sense that the disappointment of my parents is still there. Sino bang hindi? Even ako mismo, disappointed with myself. So I totally understand them. I am just relieved that I was finally able to tell them. Dad even told me that he will be the one to tell and explain it to our relatives. Between him and Mom kasi, he is the more expressive one.
Dad said that he wants to talk to Isaac and his family, he wants us to get married before lumabas si baby and Mom agreed.
I cannot say no because I do not want to disappoint them again. Don't get me wrong, I love Isaac and even before I got pregnant we were already talking about marriage. It's part of our dreams. Almost five years na rin naman kami. It's just that I hope we are more prepared, 'di 'yung ganito na parang things are happening all of a sudden. Again, don't get me wrong. A baby is a blessing.
After talking to the Go family, we both decided to have an intimate church wedding. Only both families and my relatives will be there. Isaac's relatives live far so immediate fam lang niya ang makakaattend sa kasal.
He'll be inviting some of his friends naman sa reception. And I'm not inviting mine. I'm neither hiding naman nor announcing it. Private Bea mode on, I guess.
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And there, the De Leon-Go nuptials already happened.
The day after the wedding I logged in my Facebook and changed my profile picture. It's me signing the marriage contract but the photo only shows my one hand holding a pen then there's the paper, the ring is noticeable though.
Received comments asking what's that, what does it mean. So after few hours I finally uploaded the wedding pictures and, my notifications blew up. People were surprised. People in our group started to message me ony by one. Obviously, bakit hindi raw ako nagsabi. I just answered that we wanted it to be private. And, they noticed the baby bump so I already told them.
"Neng, preggy ka rin pala."
"Yes, Neng. Kayo kasi sinimulan niyo eh."
"Oo nga no. By the way, Kat just gave birth and due ko na rin next month."
"You have name na for the baby?"
"Yup. Actually ako nag-isip, nagustuhan naman ni Thirdy."
"May I know?"
"Surprise dapat until di pa siya lumalabas but I'll tell it to you, Neng."
"OMG, Denice!"
"Love kita eh. It's Amara Sophie, Ara nickname niya Neng."
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The day came, I already gave birth.
I'm so obsessed with my baby girl. I can stare at her 24/7.
Bawat araw, pinapakita ng mundo ang realidad. We are all aware that single, married and mom life are all different things but kapag ikaw na mismo 'yung nasa sitwasyon magugulat ka pa rin.
And as days passed by, napapadalas ang away namin ni Isaac. We don't understand each other anymore and I'm feeling sick and tired of it.
I could say that our marriage lasted only for six months. The remaining half of the year was just to put a show in front of our families, pretending we were OKay but the truth is we're already falling apart.
Until I can no longer take it, I ended what Isaac and I have.
'yung mga paniniwala ko when it comes to love nabaliktad. Before, tipong love conquers all. Now, love alone isn't enough. Before, hindi ko ganoon kagets why couples chose a broken family. Now, it's better. What I meant was, instead naman na child will grow up seeing her parents fight over and over again which I believe isn't healthy.
I easily gave up? Well you can say that. Isaac and I were together for six years though, I had enough na lang talaga siguro. But I even forced myself to stay just for the sake of the baby, pero hindi ko na talaga kaya pa. At least in my case, my daughter did not see how her parents separated (it would be heartbreaking if she'd witness that) dahil 'yun na 'yung kamumulatan niya. But of course, Isaac will always be her dad. Hindi ko aalisin sa kanilang mag-ama 'yun.
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In a span of two years, A LOT already happened in my life. I wonder what's next. But whatever it may be, I know I have a daughter at the end of the day.
