Eternal Beauty

8

There was a time when I was extremely happy with my life. Everything that came before it were just trials that would help me in the future. Sure they weren't that amazing or good but it helped me get to meet the love of my life, or should I say multiple loves of my life.

I loved them at one point. But as I grew I realized that maybe what I was feeling wasn't love but rather appreciation of them helping me get away from my estranged mother and abusive family. No matter how many times I tried to tell Dr. Roberts about my conflicting feelings he would always go and tell it secretly to the guys. It was heartbreaking at first because I wanted to work on it myself and I would ask them if I need their help. Yet they always knew everything, it seemed like I could never do it myself that I would continue to depend on them.

I longed to be independent. Ever since I was in the clutches of my mother. They promised me I would be free but now look at me, stuck in another situation that seemed harder to get out of then the one before. Maybe it was karma for all those sick words my mother use to tell me about how much of a whore I was. Sooner or later I realized that I could go. Run away and continue my life without them, to be free and independent. 

And so I did. Told them I was leaving and taking a friend of mine with me. Jamie was his name and he helped me a lot with figuring my emotions and just being there for me when he could. It was different, to me that is. A difference that I wanted to start in my new chapter of life. It was amazing the first couple of weeks before it hit. I would wake up almost every morning sick. It seemed like I couldn't keep anything down no matter what I did everything would just come back up.

"Sang, honey why don't we go to the doctors?" That appointment is what changed both Jamie and I's life. I was expecting in nine months, but the time with Jamie and I being together didn't really match up the time frame of being pregnant. I didn't want to think or believe it could be one of their's but it was true. I didn't want to have something with me that would tie me down to them and I hated that. So at that time I tried to get an abortion, but I just couldn't pull through. Emotionally I wasn't stable enough and my mothers abuse from before couldn't guarantee that I could withstand childbirth or the abortion procedure. I with Jamie's help made the decision to keep the baby, rather than abort it. 

It was brutal. The entire nine months made me very cranky and just down-right tired. The fear of them finding me and their baby was just too much sometimes. That and I didn't feel fit to take care of this child. I knew that Jamie didn't want kids just yet and neither did I. We just weren't ready. So we made another choice which seems like a very good one.

I had learned a thing or two from Victor before I left when trying to find someone. Their academy training had rubbed off on me when we were still together and that's a good thing. I looked down at the computer screen that showed the houses of my ex's. I thought they would have moved out by now and away from Charleston and get on with their lives. But its a fact that men can't get over relationships as quickly as women do. We had moved away from Charleston a way back before I knew I was pregnant. So it was going to take quite awhile to reach them.

We planed to meet them after I gave birth so that they could take their baby. I don't want to think that this baby is mine and just continue with the flow of life. It wasn't that hard since I never did once think of it as my own, rather just a hick-hiker that was living in me for the time being. 

Then the time came. I can still feel it in my bones when I spent more than three hours trying to push out this baby. It's wails piercing my sore eardrums. It was then that it was announced to be a beautiful baby girl of five pounds with formed hair on the back of her head. I couldn't really tell who the father was at that moment since her eyes would get darker in the long run and her hair would be another indicator of who her father was. 

I turned back and looked through the dash mirror as I viewed Lilith in her car seat. She had Nathan's bright red hair and Owen's silver orbs, she had my features overall. She was bundled up in some light lavender sheets and a baby beanie as her mitten cover hands were by her head. She had fallen asleep an hour ago and had yet to wake up, something that we were happy with. She was a very loud baby, like North. I look towards Jamie as he had one hand on the steering wheel and the other laid out on his thigh. I reach my hand out and grabbed his as I intertwined them together. 

"Soon, we'll be getting on with our life," I whispered as my eyes looked at the 'Welcome to Charleston' sign that passed us. He didn't respond but when he squeezed my hand I knew that he had heard me and that was well enough to calm down my nervous. 

I guess I was wrong. They did move on, more like out. I went to go see Dakota's mom before we checked other places that I thought they would be at. Ms. Lee didn't even answer the door and Jessica chose to ignore me when I asked for her brother and his friends, seems I was getting a harsh welcome back. There was some places that I didn't want to go and talk. I asked Jamie if he would be willing to ask for me and he seemed hesitated on doing so but in the end he did it. So while he was out I was in the backseat looking at this bundled mess of a baby. I have to admit she is adorable. Lilith Lou Sorenson was her entire name. I gave her my last name as its the only thing I'll ever leave her with besides my looks, her fathers can either keep her name or change it, in the end it wouldn't matter to me.

The car unlocking tore my graze away from her as Jamie can into the car angry. We were right outside of Bob's diner and I believe he just got done with talking to Uncle. "They aren't in state," he spoke out roughly as his hand grasped the steering wheel till his knuckles turned white. "Did he say where they were?" He turned his torso as he glared angrily at Lilith before he moved his graze towards me. "That fucking bastard didn't want to tell me, kept giving me the cold shoulder before I told him it was a problem concerning you. The fucker was begging me to tell him what happened but not before I asked him again where they were." I leaned forward excited that finally we had something. "So what did he say! Don't keep me waiting babe," I rushed out as I tried to contain my smile.

"He didn't really say a location, just some bullshit about a house that you wanted when you were with them?" Jamie shrugged as he rolled his eyes, mumbling about how secretive my ex's family was and their stupid shenanigans. I lost my smile as I tried to remember anything about a house. God its been so long since I've ever thought about my past relationship that considered anything about a conversation. I leaned back into the seats before telling Jamie just to find a hotel or motel we can stay at the time being.

We spent a couple more days in Charleston before heading off. I really didn't want to stay long here because of past memories. All I wanted at this moment was to snuggle with Jamie on the couch in our apartment back home. I figured out which home they bought and we started to head towards there, I felt like this trip had taken years off of me and I honestly didn't want to loose anymore.

So with the next couple of days traveling and staying in motels I discovered that I didn't want to have children anymore. It was too much of a hassle. Lilith just cried the entire time, Jamie and I were sick of it. We made a vow that day to never have children after this and we were going to uphold that vow as soon as we get home and get rid of this little monster. Here we were almost to their house on this dirt road behind tons of plants that give way to a beautiful Victorian home.

"I got to hand it to them babe, they do know what good houses look like, thought they were bunch of loose screws," he propped his hand above my seat and tangled his hand into my hair. "Mhmm, but I rather just get this over with." I opened the car door after he parked the car close to the front door. I noticed that no cars where on the property and made a risk that they would be home soon as I speed walked around the car towards the back driver door.

There I unlatched Lilith's car seat and poked my head inside to ask Jamie if he could get her stuff from the trunk and put it by the door. After that I walked forward and gently placed down her seat and tucked her hands into her blanket. I turned around as I noticed Jamie take one last look at the house before setting himself back into the warm car, I followed shortly as I take one last look at the present I left for them, and then I was gone.