The Submissive | Chris Brown

15.

The Story of Giselle
Christopher Brown

♡︎

The award ceremony was supposed to be one of the best nights of my life. I dreamt about winning this award and now that I have, I can't enjoy it in peace since I am overwhelmed with all the emotions I have suppressed for years. We were finally home and Raina wanted answers. Naturally, I would've expected that after what I said on stage but she was more interested in who was Giselle to me and why did she know her name.

I took the easier way out, my reflexes came in next thing I knew I  completely shut down then proceeded to kick her out of house after having sex with her. It's been three days since we had any form of communication. I obviously owed her an apology but parts of me werent ready to face her.

It's pretty obvious I've been hurt and I haven't recovered from it as yet. After Giselle, I guarded my heart differently. I often say I have no exes or Ive never been in a relationship but the hurt did influence my outlook on life and my behavior. Giselle was my first love, my high school sweet heart. I loved that girl more than words will ever be able to explain. She was so sweet and charming, the memories we shared were worth more than a lifetime but change is inevitable.

She had a passion for singing and dancing. Everyone knew her for her talent because she was so good at it. Everything changed when she started her path to fame. We were young and reckless and I paid the price for that, and I still am.

I got her pregnant.

Despite our young age and our lives not being on the paths we wanted it to be as yet I was still excited. I was ready to be the best father anyone has ever seen. She wasn't thrilled about the idea but after several conversation she decided that maybe we were ready afterall. Her family wasn't for the decision since she was in the work of launching her career but they still stood by her. I stood by her.

Anything that she needed I was there. I was there for all the doctors visits, her late night cravings, when she didn't feel as beautiful because her features were changing, I was there for it all. I started working two jobs while being in my first year at college trying to save up for this baby. I could've rallied on my parents for the money but I didn't. I was doing grown men things so I had to continue by taking on every responsibility. I didn't see it as a form of consequence because I was more than happy to continue this journey.

I showed up at her house one day and realized no one was home. Only for the neighbors to tell me they had packed up and seemed to have move. I tried contacting Giselle but her cell number was inactive. I couldn't get in contact with anyone close to her. She wasn't on social media, I emailed her several times and got no response. This all happened a day before her due date.

I was broken

I could not understand why she did that. I blamed myself the entire time. Months had passed, no sign of her or messages. I didn't know what was happening and why I was being deprived of seeing or being with my daughter.

Two years later I got a phone call. The sound of her voice stirred anger within me. She said hello in exchange for a why the fuck did you do that?

As I drank from my bottle of scotch the bitterness helped to relieve the pain I felt as I remembered the conversation.

"I know a did a horrible thing but I did it for us. You knew deep down you weren't ready to be a father"

"What the hell are you talking about? You knew all the sacrifices that I made. You went ghost with my child! I never once gave off the impression. Cut the bullshit and let me see my child"

"I can't have that. Because I made a decision that I had to put myself first. I had been working all these years and now I am reaping the rewards. That baby would've stopped that! We had our whole life ahead of us Christopher, you aren't understanding this was the best decision I have ever made"

"What are you talking like, what the fuck did you to our daughter, what decision did you make without me?"

"I gave her up for adoption and the agreement was to never to go in search of her. In fact, I don't know where she is now" she said nonchalantly.

"So some strangers have my baby right now? What is the matter with you? If you aint wanted her or wanted to be a mother you could've let me be a single father. You knew I didn't grow up with solid parents! You knew how much being a better father meant to me, now my baby girl is out there only God knows what's happening to her."

"You need to relax, they were both a nice rich but aging white couple who really wanted a child. I blessed them. I know I was wrong for not consulting you but my mother and I thought it was the right thing to do"

"You gave my child..." I said taking a deep breath, "to some random ass white people over her dad? Did you and your mama fuck? No we did so how was her input more valuable than mine, her own father?!"

"There's literally no need to get disrespectful"

"You disrespected me by pulling that move, you what we are done here. Get the fuck off my phone, hope I don't ever have to see your ass anywhere again" I said before hanging up.

Unfortunately, that was not the case.

For months I begged her to tell me if she used an agency or not until I found out, she didn't use an agency and they really were some random people. I spent other months trying to get at least a name from her. I tricked her into thinking we were cool and I wanted a friendship. She eventually gave a name and address but that was a dead end. I tried so hard, I even ended that fake friendship by trying to take out a lawsuit on her but failed miserably.

In essence I hated her for that.

Not a single day goes by that I don't think of my baby Alaina, well that's if her adopted parents didn't have that changed.

Giselle gave me trust issues more than anyone could ever imagine. There's a void in my life and it's not hard for me to see it's my daughter. I never ever wanted to feel the pain I felt ever again. I sleep with women and have meaningless relationship and I am fine with not having that attachment or commitment. My contracts are simple, it says that if they got pregnant then they had to get an abortion. That's probably a clause I use as tester and many has failed.

Countless women have claimed that I had impregnate them, but that's impossible. I had a vasectomy done so my semen (cum) has no sperms thus I can not impregnate anyone. So it's my personal joke when they try to pull a fast one. Many would bash me for my decision but many would not understand the pain I endured and the intense fear I have of that repeating. I literally don't know my child's well being, what if its terrible I don't ever want to have to do this again.

I continue my life because many would not understand or accept these marriage. Most women will want a child eventually and I simply cannot provide that.

Raina.

She's a great girl, I feel the connection between us. Though I'll ignore it for her own benefit, it's not right or fair how I handled the situation between us. I don't trust easily so there's no way I'll pour this onto her.

I just hope she'll forgive because I don't wanna lose her.