Golden

10 - Caring

"When people get too personal it bothers me. But I'm not ashamed at all to say that I love him from the bottom of my heart. As far as love is concerned, with him, too much is not enough. He's everything." - Britney Spears about her relationship with Justin Timberlake.

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At the age of eighteen, with the release of her debut album, Perrie's life completely changed. She had to learn how to live knowing that everyone is constantly watching her, and even after many years in the industry, there are some situations she just doesn't know how to handle. The one she is in right now is definitely one of them. She is sitting next to Alex in the car, which is parked outside of her new house. They are watching as Perrie's belongings are being carried into the house she bought in order to be closer to Jade, and a few photographers are watching them and trying to sneak photos through the tinted windows of the vehicle. Perrie pictured today so differently when she imagined it in the past. She thought that she would spend it at Jade's, at least until the evening when the chaos dies down, and then they would go to Perrie's new home and spend the night there. She never imagined a scenario where she spends it with her bodyguard, since Jade and her aren't talking to each other at all. She knows she needs to apologize, because she truly does want to make things better between them, but it's proving to be a very difficult task.

"I just realized we've been working together for years now, and I don't really know anything about you," she tells Alex. "I know you're with me like, ninety percent of the time, but do you have hobbies? Or stuff that you like to do in general?"

"I like to play soccer," Alex briefly shares, but makes sure to flash a smile at Perrie.

"Oh, I know," she replies and laughs. In her old house, there was a little backyard that was accessible both from her part of the house and the security's. She made it clear from the start that her bodyguards can use the garden whenever they want, and Alex made sure to take this opportunity every time another bodyguard joined him in days where Perrie was even more exposed to the public, like when she was promoting a big project. They were always making a bit of noise in the back garden, shouting things about soccer Perrie couldn't care enough to try to understand, but was never bothered by. Always laughing and sounding like they were having fun, and in these moments, Perrie didn't feel so alone. She loved the sound of people in her house. "I know it's your job to hang out with me, but you've always been here for me, so thank you."

"Sure thing," Alex answers, and they drift off to a comfortable silence as they continue looking through the windows. A woman comes out of one of the nearby apartment buildings, holding a trash bag. Perrie is surprised to recognize this person as Jade, not dressed up the way Perrie is sure to seeing her, but somehow, even prettier.

"I really need to apologize to her," Perrie says, although she knows that Alex probably doesn't know what actually went on between them.

"Do you want me to invite her here? So you could talk?" He asks.

"Thanks. But I think I'm going to go talk to her myself," Perrie replies with a sad smile. She wants Jade to know that she sees her as an equal, and that no matter how different Perrie's life is from hers, they still have to put in the same amount of effort into this relationship. She opens the car door, and, followed by Alex, is following Jade's footsteps, since she is already on her way back inside. Perrie starts thinking that this was a mistake when the paparazzi begin turning to film her, but she has no other choice but keep going if she wants Jade to know how important she is to her. "Jade, wait," Perrie calls after her, and when Jade turns around, it's like Perrie can breathe again. She walks towards her, and wants to hold her in her arms so badly, but there are so many people filming them and it just doesn't feel okay to do that. She cannot afford to cause any more damage beyond what she has already done to the relationship between Jade and her.

"Oh, hi," Jade replies as she continues walking whilst ignoring Perrie's gaze. "I saw so many people outside, I wondered what's going on, but I didn't know you were here." She is doing her best to avoid expressing any emotion, through her words and facial expression, because she knows that here isn't the place to do it.

"It's moving day," Perrie reminds her with a smile that Jade does not match. They get to the entrance to Jade's apartment building, and go inside, climbing up the stairs. It is a great relief to be freed from the pressure of so many people watching them, and now, the only witness is Alex who is standing as far from them as he can while still maintaining eye contact with Perrie. Jade doesn't want to talk to Perrie here, since it still feels unsafe, and leads them back to her apartment. She unlocks the door and they both step in, leaving Alex to guard the door. Perrie has never been to Jade's house before, and takes a moment to look around. It's a normal apartment, the kind of place Perrie hasn't been to for years now. Her wave created so many ripples that no one around her had to live a simple life anymore. Jade's apartment isn't big, but it feels cozy and welcoming. It's far from being perfectly organized, but Perrie adores it. It's like a sneak peek to the life she almost had, if only one thing would have gone differently. "I'm guessing you've seen that interview?" She strikes up a conversation.

"I have," Jade answers, and for the first time, looks into Perrie's eyes. Her eyes aren't joyous, or excited, or holding anticipation in them; they are filled with concern, worry and uncertainty. "You need to do something about-"

"Please don't, Jade. I appreciate your concern, and I get that it's something that's affecting you too, but this my issue and I'd rather decide how to handle it on my own," she tries her best to explain without hurting Jade, to make sense of the many thoughts that are crossing her mind. "Thank you, though, for caring about me. I don't think many people can say that. Not honestly, at least. Sometimes it feels like Alex is the only one." There is a short pause before she keeps talking, her voice only becoming more quiet. "I care about you too, you know. I really do."

"It doesn't always feel like it," Jade tells her. She is the same Jade Perrie had gotten to know since the Grammys, but she's also different. She has her head up higher this time, and she lets herself express more of what's on her mind. Perrie loved the shyer, more reserved Jade, but she is passionate to discover the more blunt version.

"Jade, I know I hurt you, and I'm sorry. I can see why you felt that way, I think you're right. It's just a lot of things we've been ignoring and denying so we won't have to deal with, so I know I mistreated you, but there was more to that. We didn't know how to work as a couple, and in order for me to be able to hear you, I'm going to have to listen more carefully, but you're also going to have to speak up more." Perrie didn't realize just how much her words indicated that she wants Jade back, as her girlfriend, partner, lover, whatever it is, but can see the building hesitation in Jade's eyes. "Look, I know I freaked you out a little when we were on vacation by telling you how I feel. I was just being honest, I've never met someone like you before, and I don't see a reason why I shouldn't tell you how much you've changed my life. It's okay if you're not there yet, it really is. I understand that most people aren't like me in that way, I'd say you're the sane one out of the two of us when it comes to this. Just give yourself a chance to see how you feel, and we'll take it from there. I don't want to put any pressure on you, I just love spending time with you," she tries to assure Jade in the safest way she can think of. Perrie touches Jade's hand, testing the waters, and then slowly takes it and lightly strokes Jade's gentle skin using her thumb.

After a few moments that feel like forever, Jade's expression softens and she nods her head while wearing a shy smile. Perrie knows she had just said she won't pressure Jade, meaning they will take things slower this time, but she's so happy she just can't stop herself from putting her lips on Jade's. It's the kind of kiss that's flawless because there's was such a long anticipation for it to happen, and it's the beginning of something new, wanted and exciting.