I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy ...

Chapter 8 - No One Is Harder On Me Than Myself

After Pete had had his fill of pretzels I forced him out the door even with his cries of 'I'll be back later' echoing back at me. I made a point to turn the lock. Now I sat on the couch the phone in one hand and a piece of paper in the other. I intended to call Maddie, but fear of the conversation held me back. Of course there was still a lot to say, but how to begin without sounding like...well like me.

The paper in my hand was getting slightly damp from my sweating palm. I laid it down and wiped my hand on the couch. Now or never, I thought bringing the phone up to dial the etched number.

I never noticed before how the ringing of a phone can sound so much like the ticking of a time bomb.

"Hello?"

And her voice was the final warning.

"Maddie?" My voice sounded weaker than usual and I made a point to clear it and try again. "It's Patrick."

"Patrick," she said repeating my name as if for clarification.

I shuffled in my seat and realized it was my turn to state the meaning of the call. "Well how are you feeling?" I guess I could put it off for a while.

"Oh you know...stomach aches and restless sleep ...the usual..."

Actually I didn't know and decided to hide my ignorance. "Oh, well there's a reason for my call," I spat out feeling my nervousness being pushed aside by my resilience to get the information out.

"Oh...okay."

"I was wondering if you wanted to...." Words! Words! I need you now. "to maybe go to dinner with me tonight," I pushed out. "I mean to discuss some things and...yeah." Patrick, you dumbass!

"I think that's a great idea," she spoke quickly.

I could breathe again. It was a miracle. "Okay so I guess I'll come by around 7."

"Sounds good!"

"Okay, bye."

"bye."

Bomb deactivated!

........

I fiddled nervously with my menu as I watched Maddie across from me. She would fold her menu close and open again with a peculiar face of concentration. Her long blonde hair tonight was hanging down and every once and a while she would push it behind her ears which drove me crazy.

I was beginning to realize the silence between us was growing when I heard a voice interrupt our presence.

"Hi my name is Danny and I'll be your waiter tonight," a small fellow said. His light brown hair contained more gel than I could imagine and his dark eyes chose me to stare at. "Can I get you guys something to drink?"

I looked away uncomfortably as Maddie answered with a 'water' and I selected a coke. Danny gave what I could only assume to be a rehearsed smile and left. Maddie returned to her menu and opened and closed it once more. I don't think she would ever understand how interesting she was to look at. I could see her blue eyes scanning lines as they moved back and forth. Then they suddenly looked up at me. Her eyes were so gentle and mysterious that this stare wasn't uncomfortable like the one I had shared with Danny, but more relaxed and normal. She gave a goofy smile, shook her head at me and went back to her menu.

I folded mine in front of me and kept staring at her wishing I had words for a situation like this. I could tell her what I was really thinking, about her gorgeous body and beautiful scent, but that seemed out of place. Maybe I could simply state that this situation was awkward for me and I didn't know what to say. These thoughts crossed my mind but were easily cleared away with the sound of her voice.

"Look Patrick," she said while discarding her menu on the table. "I'm really sorry about last night and everything. It wasn't right for me to test you like that."

Her sweet eyes and mellow voice could be telling me the death of a puppy and I wouldn't care. "Don't be," I spoke soon. "If anything, it was smart of you." I picked up my menu again as I felt her smile illuminate the room. "And it was worth it when I realized what we got back." I knew her smile had dropped as a smirk found its way to my face.

"Patrick!" She said in a scolding voice.

I gave a small laugh as Danny suddenly returned with our drinks. He gave his rehearsed smile once again and looked to us. "Are we ready to order?" He asked brightly.

I nodded hesitantly. I knew guys like this always turned out to be the crazy ones in movies. "I'll have the chicken," I said as I felt a breeze touch me when he pulled out his pen and paper so fast.

He wrote it down with a smile and turned to Maddie. "The salad and vegetables sound good," she stated plainly as she gave a sweet smile and handed him her menu.

"Thanks guys," he said grabbing my menu as well and scurrying off.

I felt a sudden shudder hit me as I watched him walk away. What a weird dude.

"Patrick," Maddie said bringing my attention back on her. "There was something else I wanted to talk to you about."

I felt the same tenseness fill my body as when I was little, right before my mother had told me my grandpa died. Was she about to tell me my grandma was dead too?

"It's about some changes," she said.

My body released. "What do you mean?" I asked trying to keep my mind on the conversation and not the way her low cut shirt was revealing her breasts.

"I mean," she said. "I've had to give up a lot since I got pregnant."

The word pregnant sure brought me back.

"I've had to quit smoking, drinking, and change the way I eat and carry about my lifestyle."

"I understand that," I said uneasily. I somehow was feeling guilt in the pit of my stomach.

Maddie grasped the straw on her cup and gave it a twirl. "I just want you to understand what I'm going through," she said averting her eyes to the swirling cup.

I shocked myself by reaching across the table and grabbing her hand to stop the twirling of the straw. "I do understand," I said.

She looked back up at me and gave me a small smile as I felt her sigh release the tension she had been feeling. "I got something for you," she stated removing her hand from mine and reaching down by her chair. She came back up seconds later grasping a book and pushing it my way.

I took it carefully as if she were handing me a china doll and laid it in front of me. It appeared like any other book you would pick up in a store, but I knew I was in trouble as I scanned the title. "101 Things To Know Before Becoming A Father."

"It's on the bestsellers list," Maddie commented quickly. "I thought it would be good for you to read. I've already done so much research on pregnancy, but fatherhood could be a whole different thing..."

Her voice went on, but it somehow got droned out with my inability to do two things at once. Because you see, I had opened the book and was now reading the titles of the chapters. Chapter one read: Be Supportive. Well I could put a big check mark next to that one I was so supportive of this. I even liked to believe I encouraged it. Okay, so maybe that's not entirely true, but I hadn't pushed her to do anything else. Had I? No, absolutely not!

"...do you think that's a good idea?"

My book thoughts were interrupted by Maddie's question. "Um...yeah," I said knowing I had no clue what I had just agreed was a good idea. It seemed to please Maddie though who put on a gigantic smile. I on the other hand looked down at the book searching for the title about listening to the baby's mother.

There wasn't one.