July faded fast, and after putting the final works on her article Maddie chose to go back to Chicago for the rest of the summer.
I had blown it.
Maddie no longer searched for my hand or even my eyes the last few days she was on tour. She concluded she 'needed some time' before deciding to try anything with 'us' and told me she'd see me back in Chicago.
And that's how it was.
Maddie and I had become a quoted 'us' like we were unsure of the definition, and that really hurt.
The next few days of Warped Tour were the hottest of them all, and I felt the heat of the summer raising my temperature. I chose to hang out in the cool bus the majority of the time, and occasionally strummed down melodies. One of these days was interrupted by an always excited Pete who came running onto the bus with a smile across his face.
"Patrick!" He said noticing me. "I just got a text from a buddy back home. Turn on MTV."
Ignoring my slight movement to grab the remote, Pete snatched it and plopped down next to me before turning on the tube. The show TRL was just coming back from a commercial and the host was announcing something.
"Fall Out Boy are currently touring the states with the Warped Tour festival, but they've kept in the news with their major label debut as well as lead singer, Patrick Stump's, new baby on the way. It hasn't slowed them down a bit however, because now we are bringing you the world premiere of their new music video for their song Dance, Dance. Enjoy!"
"They had to mention the baby," I sighed.
"Shhh," Pete said pushing his hand over my mouth. "Watch."
I had to admit our music video had come out great, and Pete seemed so excited he didn't stay in his seat. The last of the video subsided and Pete quickly switched off the TV.
"It looked great," he said looking at me for reassurance.
"Ya, absolutely," I agreed to Pete's pleased face.
It was hard not to return the excitement as he disappeared to spread the news. Fall Out Boy was becoming everything the four of us had dreamed about when we use to practice in Joe's basement. We were touring, selling records and making music videos. I had always imagined that in this moment I would be excited as Pete was, jumping up and down and spreading the news. Yet, now I felt my mind and emotions being pulled back to Chicago. Why? Why had this happened to me?
I got up quickly and made a straight path to my bunk. I flipped through the covers searching for the one reminder of my troubles. I found the book wedged in the corner. I picked it up and studied the cover of a joyful man holding a baby up towards the sky. What a brainwash. This wasn't going to be fatherhood. This was going to be a weight pulling me away from something I loved and wanted so bad. I found my suitcase and shoved the book as deep as I could. There, I thought, out of sight out of mind. Maddie was right. We needed time for ourselves and that was what I was going to do.
I spent the rest of the tour completely devoted to Fall Out Boy, playing shows, meeting fans, planning our next tour over seas. It was great! I actually felt like for the first time in 4 months I could be with my band and really be there, mind and body.
Then, came Kansas City. Most of it was a blur, but a day off from the routine was invited with enthusiasm from the whole band. I remember entering the club with Joe, Gerard, Frank and Ray from My Chemical Romance. Somehow my glass was always full with something I shouldn't be drinking. It was first time I had drank since my infamous night with Maddie, but I didn't allow those memories to come back. I just drank another drink. The next thing I knew, I was facing Bob at the police station.
"Patrick, are you ok?" He stared at me with eyes of concern. I was surprised. He should be furious with me.
"I'm fine," I gurgled feeling the lack of salvia in my mouth. I needed water and rest for my pounding head.
He took another look at me, but turned back to the officer to coordinate my release. Back on the bus, Joe proudly told the story to Pete and Andy. A 'Patrick Gone Wild' as he put it. I still heard their laughter as I crawled into my bunk and closed the curtain tightly.
The tour came to an end on a hot day in Minnesota. As we strummed our last chords on 'Saturday', I let the sun, sweat and endorphins cover my body. However, when I walked off the stage a punch hit me in the gut. It was over, and we were going back to Chicago tonight.
I sat on the bus with my phone clutched in my hand. I hadn't talked to Maddie in almost 3 weeks. I had allowed myself to completely let go and now the realization that I had to and needed to go back was making my stomach reject everything I had eaten that day. Maddie, with her sapphire eyes and kick-ass attitude, was closer with every minute. Her sincere smile and dry humor somehow made me chuckle every time. Her amazing body, tempting kiss, everything about her drew me in. I suddenly became angry with myself. Why had I allowed myself to do this? I wanted to be there for Maddie, yet I had completely disappeared.
I found her name in my contacts and quickly hit send. I wouldn't allow myself to think any longer. It rang twice.
"Patrick?"
Her voice filled my ears and a familiar tingle overflowed my body. "Hey Maddie," I answered. I followed with a nervous chuckle not knowing what to say.
Like usually, she stepped in. "How's the tour been?"
"It's been good, exhausting. I'll be glad when we get back tomorrow." Why were we dancing around with small talk? "Look Maddie," I started. "I want to apologize."
"Don't Patrick," she interrupted. "I don't think I can listen to that right now."
I scrunched my brow in pain. Ouch!
"I have something else I want to talk to you about," she continued. "Well..." she started and gave a pause. I didn't like how this was starting. "My parents are planning a visit this weekend. I need you to be here to meet them."
It wasn't what I was expecting. I was sure she was getting ready to banish me from her life, but I wasn't going to think about my answer too long. "Yeah, of course," I babbled.
"Good," she retorted. "Just give me a call on Friday and we can plan a time."
"Ok," I sighed into the phone.
"Ok, bye," she said quietly and the line went dead. The conversation wasn't uplifting by any means, but I knew she hadn't closed me off completely and that gave me hope. I was going to make this right. I just had to get my shit together.
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I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy ...
Fanfiction"You'd never think a random night could change your life" There were many people on the dance floor swaying to the latest techno beat, but only one stood out. It was a girl with long blonde hair and dark highlights. She had a denim skirt on and a fi...
