I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy ...

Chapter 23 - Tell Me I'm A Wreck

Never in my life was there a circumstance where I had to choose no sex over sex. It was borderline torture the way Maddie carried on each day in the sun glistening in tank tops and shorts. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen, and I wasn't allowed to touch her. Furthermore, she was intent on getting closer to me. She would brush my hand or back whenever she was close, or sometimes outright kiss me. I was always careful to always pull back in a courteous way feeling the regret sit in my stomach. I didn't know how much longer this was going to carry on. Was I honestly doing the right thing? Then why was it so hard?

The bus swayed back and forth as it cradled me to sleep. This had been my way of sleeping for so long I didn't understand how I actually slept in a regular bed. This life had been my way of living for so long, I didn't know how I would adjust to anything else. I felt sleep escape me as my eyes shot open. Maybe I just needed to move around to get the restlessness out of my limbs, I thought as I pulled back my bunk curtain. It was silent and only soft breathing came from the other bunks around me. I stepped down making sure to be stealthy and moved towards the back of the bus. As I emerged through the curtain I spotted Maddie sitting on the couch. Her laptop was placed firmly in her lap, her legs crossed underneath it, and her eyes zig-zagged across the screen. I saw her lips moving fast as she read the words on the screen.

"Hey," I said breaking the silence.

She looked up at me quickly and a startled expression flew across her face. "Oh, Patrick," she breathed. "What are you doing up?"

"Couldn't sleep," I said moving to sit next to her. "Working on something?" I continued as I noticed her purple v-neck shirt clinging to her growing stomach.

"Ya," she answered as her eyes went back to the screen. "Just putting together the article. You know," she continued. "You guys talk a lot, but most of it is about nothing."

I laughed slightly. "Well," I said "I could help you out." The truth was I'd do just about anything for this girl to get on her good side.

I saw a smile crawl onto her lips as her eyes found mine. "That'd be great." Then she shuffled around so her body was facing me. "So," she started. "How's the baby stuff coming along?"

I was shocked by her question. Why was she asking this? "Um...good," I said slowly trying to feel her out.

"How's Maddie?" She smiled.

"Oh, kinda annoying," I teased. "Worships me and everything."

"And your sex life?"

"Do the readers really need to know that?"

"Patrick!"

Now I was confused.

She sighed, closed her laptop and began to stow it away. "What's wrong with me?" She questioned burning me with her crystal eyes. "Is it because I'm getting bigger? Am I repulsive?"

I couldn't believe what she was asking? Of course she wasn't repulsive. She was gorgeous. "You're stunning." How could I say the real reason?

"I thought it was because you were just uncomfortable with me around, but it isn't that, is it?"

I was trapped.

"I see how you look at me when you think I'm not looking."

I took a deep sigh. "Maddie, it's not that I don't want you, oh god I do."

"Then what is it?"

I knew she'd see right through any lie I could come up with, and the truth was I didn't want to lie...not anymore. So I told her. The words spilled out about the article, about Pete contacting Music Madness, and about my conversation with Joe. Her blank eyes were hard to read and her mouth stayed firmly shut through my babbling. I felt like I had just confessed my worst sins when I finished and I searched for any reaction I could find on her beautiful face.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She finally said.

"I didn't want you to think I was using you, or we were using you," I said truthfully.

She nodded but looked away from me for the first time.

"Look Maddie..." I began not really sure how the sentence was going to end, but I didn't have to end it because she spoke first.

"I need to trust you Patrick," she said plainly. "Otherwise, I don't know why you're even sticking around."

Then she got up and moved towards the curtain. "And another thing," she said turning around. "If you wanna talk about 'us', talk about it with me, not Joe." Then she left.

I'm a wreck.