Ian isn't looking for trouble, so when he wakes up in a hospital unaware of what has happened to him, he refuses to find out the truth. Why would he want to remember something that might be too much to handle? The past is the past, isn't it?
But the...
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Nothing bad's happened yet, I know that, I can feel it. Not now, when I finally remember, when I finally know what I'm doing.
I still can't believe it's Nathaniel. I know that I wanted our paths to cross again, to have another chance of getting to know him, but that is not what I meant. I imagined we would meet under more friendly circumstances, maybe he would come and visit me in my new summer job, that'd be funny. This is not funny. Never in a million years did I want it to get so complicated. Trying not to blush when I see him would be a big enough problem for me. Or trying not to melt under his touch. Not this!
And he has to be okay, he just has to. If something has happened to him, I... I could never forgive myself. I can prevent this, and I could have prevented it sooner. If only I... Oh, why did I have to forget? And if I hadn't been refraining looking for answers at the beginning maybe I would have already figured it all out somehow? Now I kind of wish I really could travel back in time.
Despite Bobbie having Nicole already filled in on the story through the phone, she still seems to be pretty confused when we finally meet her at the lake fifteen minutes later. I don't blame her, I was listening to Bobbie's explanation with half an ear and if I were her, I wouldn't have understood most of it, either. But I don't have the strength to tell the story again because I'm too worried and have a huge lump to my throat. She'll have to fill in the gaps herself.
We head straight to the grave. Well, not grave, it's not a grave, yet. But the clock is ticking and Nathaniel's brother already had plenty of time to act. Maybe I should have called the police. I wouldn't have to tell them about what happened those two weeks ago, I wouldn't do that to Nathaniel, because as messed up as it all was, I understand why he did what he did. I just don't know how dangerous it might get and I'm worried that we should have thought about getting some help.
But it's too late for that, now. The wind is strong and as we enter the forest the trees seem to be hurrying us up. The branches wave theatrically pointing to the putative crime scene while we follow an angry song of the wind bells. We take the shortcut and the bushes cut through my skin but that's the fastest way to get there, so I ignore the pain.
We're a hundred feet away, but I can't see anyone. Is that good news or bad news? It could mean that nothing's happened yet, but it could also mean that it's already over.
We're fifty feet away and I want to scream, cry, and laugh at the same time. In my head, I do it.
We get there, and I clench my fists, ready for Daniel to come out nowhere, to attack us all like one death isn't enough for him. But that doesn't happen. The scene is surprisingly calm and for a second I cool down a bit as well. It definitely doesn't look like a crime scene. Looking around I remember everything so vividly now, that I can almost feel the pain. I look at the ground, at the place where I lied, helplessly waiting for it to end. I turn around to where the pile of dirt I mistook as a body that night should be, only to see that it's not there.
