I Almost Do

Chapter 4

"Connie Oxford? Connie, as in my daughter?" my mother asked, suddenly sounding more anxious than before.

"Yes," I said quietly, my heart still pounding.

"Oh my goodness, Connie.... it's been so long!" she exclaimed... was she crying? "Why haven't you called or anything?"

"Um..." I wasn't sure how to answer that. I couldn't just tell her I didn't want to.

"It doesn't matter. Do you need anything? Are you okay?"

"Um, yeah, I'm okay- kind of. Can I talk to you?"

"What? Um, sure..." she sounded nervous. I mentally smacked my forehead. Of course she'd be nervous if I ask to talk to her after five years!

"Can you come over to my apartment, please?" I wanted to get to know her a little more.... since before I barely got to. "I want to show you around." 

"Me? Well of course you're talking to me. Yeah, sure, sweetie. I'd love to." I guess I'm not the only one nervous. I gave her my address and hung up the phone.

My shoulders relaxed, but not completely. There was still that from yesterday, and that's what I wanted to talk to my mother about. She could probably help me. And wasn't that what normal girls did? Vent to their mom about a break up?

I realized I hadn't even brushed my teeth yet and I was still in my pajamas. I slipped on my fuzzy slippers and shuffled to the bathroom. Normally at this time, 8:00, I would feel starved. But today, I felt like I had eaten a whole cow the previous day. 

Light rays shone through the single window in my bedroom, filling the whole room with warmth. All except for me. I finished brushing and took off my pajamas. I looked through every piece of clothing in my closet, but everything felt... unclean to me. I found a pink and black dress, but it wasn't really appropriate for March. I finally settled on a pair of jeans and a striped black and white sweater.

I went downstairs to the kitchen to get some food out for my mother. If I remember correctly, she loves chocolate chip cookies, so I got a box out of a cabinet. I reached for a good plate on a higher shelf. I knew it wasn't going to end well but I went for it anyway.

I almost had it. The plate was right there. I could see it. I felt it at my fingertips and grabbed for it. Wrong choice. The plate came falling down. Luckily it wasn't at my head, but it still hurt like hell. The plate hit my wrist and shattered into jagged pieces, slicing into my skin. I pulled my arm towards my chest, holding the part where it was wounded. My fingers burned the wounds and blood seeped through my fingers, but I barely felt any pain from that anymore. It was good my wrist was bleeding. Sadie had once said if glass or ceramic cuts your skin and it's bleeding, that means there is no chance for infection. I'm not sure if that's true but...

Ding dong! Crap. I grabbed the nearest piece of cloth and hastily wrapped it around my wrist. I walked to the door, taking long strides, and opened it. 

"Oh my god, Connie... you've grown so much..." She brushed a strand of hair out of her face. She had the same eyes as me, but her hair was dark, dark brown, almost black. She says I get my hair from my father.

I tried a smile. "Well yeah. It's kinda been a while." There was an awkward silence. 

She smiled back. "What happened to your arm? Why is there blood all over it! How much does it hurt?" she asked with panic in her voice. 

"It doesn't. I just have to clean it up. Come in." She stepped inside. 

"Sweetie, where do you keep your bandages? I'll get them for you."

"In the medicine cabinet. In the bathroom."

She scurried off. I took the blood-soaked towel off of my arm, and stared at it. Pain in it's physical form. And the emotional form doing its intricate tap dance routine in my head. But which hurt more? And I wanted to talk to her about yesterday, but how do I bring it up?

"Connie, what's this?" I nearly jumped out of my skin as I turned around to look at what my mom was talking about. In her hand was a ring. It couldn't have been her wedding ring... suddenly, it dawned on me.