I Almost Do

Chapter 6

I rummaged through my freezer for some ice cream, preferably mint chocolate chip. I heard my cellphone ringing on the counter top next to me. I reluctantly closed the freezer and looked at the screen. It was him. I continued staring at the screen. Should I pick it up? No. I can't give in to him. But he'll think I hate him if I don't. Luckily, the phone made the decision for me when it stopped ringing.

Then the phone rung again. I sighed and checked who it was. Sadie. I put the phone on speaker as I went back to the freezer to continue my search.

"Hello?" Sadie said.

"Yeah. 'Sup?" I hoped I didn't mumble .

"Nothing really. How're you feeling?"

"Um... fine, I'm fine." A frozen pizza came tumbling down at me and hit the floor with a thud.

"What was that?"

"A pizza."

"Um.... okay.... anyway, I might stop by at your place."

"Okay, but you really didn't need to call."

"I was trying to be a normal friend for once, jeez."

"Whatever Sadie. I'll see you later." I reached over and hit 'end call'. I looked back into the freezer and found the ice cream I needed. I grabbed the carton and a spoon and retired to the living room, sitting on the sofa. I turned the TV on and tried to find something good to watch. There was a cooking show, so I decided to watch that.

Ding dong! I jumped. I put my ice cream on the table and ran to the door. "Well, Sadie can drive quick.... oooh, what if she got a ticket?" I thought to myself as I laughed a little. I opened the door. "He-" I stopped talking when I saw the person in the doorway. "Oh."

"Connie," he started. He had a rose in his hand, and his promise ring was still on his finger. That move was so old-timey yet it was so cute. Seeing him at my door reminded me of our golden age, and it made my heart ache. "Please just hear me out." I sighed and for him to continue. This was so awkward, me just standing here and him outside my house talking to me. "I'm really, really sorry. I wasn't thinking. I was frustrated, and I took it out on you. When you walked out, I felt like... like the sky had crumbled right onto me. I need you Connie. I still love you," he said with his lip quivering, "D-do you want to try again? Try again with me?"

It was the same sentence in my dream. I looked into his pleading eyes. There was so much sadness behind them... maybe he wasn't lying when he said needed me. I looked at the rose in his hands, pressed against his red hoodie and that's when I realized I still loved him too. But I couldn't give in to him. His midnight blue eyes.... his humor.... his- NO. A part of me was pulling me towards him, into his loving arms and another was trying to listen to Sadie and mother.

Take extreme measures for something you need...

He still loves me....

You don't need a man to define who you are....

He needs me....

"Connie, I'm sorry if I'm just throwing this all at you. I understand if-"

"No, Nick."

"W.... what?"

I took another deep breath. "No. I don't want to try again. Sorry." There was a lump in my throat, but I managed to tell him.

"O-oh," he barely whispered. He handed me the rose and turned to his car. I glanced down at the rose, and realized I was grasping it really hard, like I was holding on to a thin string of hope. A few thorns pricked me, but it didn't matter.

I slammed the door closed. I pressed my back to it. I did it. But I almost didn't. I almost gave in.

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Everytime I saw him after that- outside, or at a shop, or at Starbucks, I just want to run to him and tell him, "I do want to try again, please."

And everytime I don't, I almost do.

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