this is what you said to me.
you said, exactly:
"i'm not getting married anytime soon.
but i'll let you be mine
i gotta be yours too, though."
with those words, how do i even begin to try?
and those damn walls that i've built up around myself
are torn apart like they are cardboard
and not three years of stone and concrete
the formation of dried tears and bruised knuckles
matches.
the song that was once looping through my head two years ago, surges back to life. because,
you did break my heart at 16.
and that really was the first time i felt my world crashing, and i don't think i ever got over it despite the tears and the blocked numbers and the deleted pics and i don't even know.
and i don't understand how you could break my heart without even trying, without even knowing about all these buried feelings.
two years ago, i did find my own reasons why you weren't the best for me. i know you aren't the best for me, so why is my heart tugging me towards you like i'm a mere planet and you're my sun?
instead of burning like matches
i'm lighting up like a supernova.
another song -- sleepover,
the haunting melody a reminder that "i don't wanna talk about it, i don't wanna think about it, i'm just feeling low."
i'm always feeling low, to the point where i feel like
even rock bottom has a decaying layer that leads to writhing flames
i do want to be friends ever, don't wanna be something better
but my heart, the very center of irrationality
pulls me away from that very thought
because i think it just wants you.
