Without you, I don't belong here. Without you, I don't belong anywhere. I am a wanderer, I am a breeze, I am someone that has lost the one thing rooting them to the ground. I am someone that has lost their place in the world.
That is just how important you are to me.
Things have changed - too much. I knew our worlds were going to change, split apart, warp away from each other's - yet, I still offered you the letter. Written on the pages were the words I had never said to you; scrawled on the pages were the feelings I had held inside me, white songbirds trapped behind ugly iron bars.
Now they're loose. I made the choice to release them from their dreadful cage and now I have to deal with the consequences, no matter how painful they are.
I handed you the knife. The worst thing is, you didn't stab me in the heart like I expected you to. You didn't call me disgusting, you didn't swear to never speak to me again. No, you did something much worse. You took that knife, with the blade forged of "it's-gonna-be-okay's," "let's-give-it-some-time," and tortured me with it. Best friends we were, and friends we became. Blocking me and never talking to me again would have been less painful than this purgatory you've set me in. Because whenever I see you, I see him, and I get that bitter taste in my mouth because oh he's so fucking perfect isn't he.
And regardless if I'm watching or not, you flaunt what you have in front of me, and I hate you so much for it. I smile and joke and pretend not to notice you, both of you, but you are in fact what I think about the most. I feel so out of place. Here, there, everywhere. I long to have you by my side once again, but I know: it won't happen again.
I would like to call you names. I would like to let the angry side of me take over and fucking destroy everything we've ever tried to build. I say I'm happy for you, but I'm not. I'm only human, and I get immature and jealous. The truth is, I can't be happy unless I'm the one making you happy. I hate you. I really do.
Fuck you for leaving me when I needed you the most.
Fuck you for saying you care. Fuck you for walking away when I didn't believe you. I still don't believe you. You're just like the rest of them.
