We were talking about flaws, if perfection really exists. You said no. I said yes. You asked me if I'd ever thought about something as perfect. I thought about saying You. I really did consider it, I swear, even if it meant shattering our friendship. I'm selfish, I know. I'm sorry.
I think of You as an ineffable existence in itself. But that's what happens when you fall for someone and even someone as foolish as I am knows that.
So, I didn't. Didn't tell you that yes, I think perfection exists, and that yes, it's you, you're so so so perfect to me and as hard as I've tried to pick you apart, as hard as I've tried to look for your flaws, there are none. And still I wonder how you are insecure, because in my eyes, you are beautiful. Not just pretty. They say you aren't as pretty as your friends, who have more prominent features or brighter smiles or some bullshit. To me, you're perfect.
You were still waiting for a reply, so I fumbled and came up with a halfhearted answer that sounded like I was trying to convince myself. If you noticed, you didn't say anything.
I am always very careful when it comes to discussions like this. Correction: I am always careful when I am around you. Or at least, I try to be. Anything can give me away. I try not to give you too much attention; I act more affectionate with our mutual friends, just to show I can. I wonder if I make you jealous, even in a friend way.
Probably not. You don't care, after all.
Correction. You care, but only as a friend. To me, that's almost even worse than not caring at all.
