Muke Oneshots

I need somebody

Before we start: this is very personal and has multiple trigger warnings because of sensitive topics.
In case of you don't know me: I had/still struggle with eating disorders. So here are personal thoughts and situations included. If you want a part two from Luke's view let me know because this one is Luke's story from Michaels perspective.

Luv

-J

Tw: mention of eating disorder, depression and suicide.

~~~~

Luke used to writes on the wall of his room about his feelings. About what he did to himself, what he ate and what he puked up again. His room was his diary.

But no one was able to read it because he learnt how to write upside down and wrong around at the same time.

After Luke's suicide his parents moved out, left the hieroglyphs on the wall of their son's room. Their own walk of shame for the next family living in their old home.

~~~~

“And you're sure you don't want to paint over that?“ Karen asked her son, watching him laying on his bed with his head hanging over the bed, starring at the wall.

“I like it. It looks cool and surly took forever to make. So yes. I'm sure.“ the green haired Punk answered his mother.

She closed the door and left her son alone who  was smart enough to figure out that the signs on the wall had a meaning.

Michael almost needed 5 days to figure out what the first line meant because he couldn't find the logic behind the signs and when he realised the system he hat to manage reading the terrible handwriting.

Hello, my name is Luke... Uhm... Hemmings and this is probably my last and biggest project...

The other boy nearly felt like he got placed in 13 reasons why.

And as a disclaimer: he hated this series.

What kept him going what that he knew that the family who used to live here moved out because of someone's suicide.

And a last project sounded a lot like a sort of suicide note.

Michael was excited to go home form school on Friday because his parents where working so he was home alone and was able to continue writing on a piece of paper what got the decoration of his bedroom wall.

Today was a bad day. A really bad one. My parents fought and I failed my math test and my diet.
But the math test was worst because now I'm not gonna level up in school. Which causes my parents to fight. Now I'm feeling more guilty, so I skipped dinner as well with the excuse of studying. But I cried in the bathtub and I passed out as well because my head was under water for too long...or short. Dispense.
-L

Michael grabbed his phone and searched for a Luke Hemmings on Instagram and Twitter.

His research brought him to a page which was called Luke_is_a_penguin.

His last poste was about a year ago on the first of December, sitting in the living room with a guitar in his hands.

He was a God in Michaels opinion. Blond hair, blue eyes, tall and a good taste in clothing and music.

Michael scrolled down watching Luke getting younger and healthier with every post.

Sometimes two other boys where on the picture as well.

Ashton Irwin and Calum Hood, both had classes with Michael.

Michael fell asleep sad on Friday.

It's getting easier every day. My body gets used to my changing eating habits and it feels good. I did something...I had success with something. My math teacher said that I can rewrite the test. My parents are still mad and will probably give me no free time over the holidays. But I'm leveling up when I don't fail this test which is the goal in general because my friends Ash and Cal want to graduate together with me.
-L

Ashton was over for Lunch tonight so that meant that I had to eat something which was horrifying. After finishing I got to the bathroom and the number went higher so I had to get rid of the calories in my stomach. I don't like the feeling of puking but I had no other choice. The scale is so close to my goal and I don't want to fail again. Failing like my first math test.
-L

I finally reached my goal about a week later than planned. But I still don't feel good in my body yet. I sat my goal about 4 pounds lower. My problem is that my birthday is soon so my mom will make a cake for me. The thought about that makes me cry to a panic attack. I wish I could skip that day. Don't get me wrong. I love her for making cake for me but I hate her for wanting me to eat it.
-L

I passed my math test with a B so I'm not failing junior year. Let's be proud of me. I am but the thought of my birthday still makes me want to switch place with Adam Sandler.
-L

It was a sad thing to do.
Eating... especially eating cake. It felt good. But I felt more guilty than happy so I got rid of it and avoided eating another slice. Jack looked at me with a weird look but I didn't talked to him. So he doesn't get worried.
-L

Today was my first day of senior year and Calum stopped talking to me. We fought because I refused to eat lunch so he yelled at me that I'm sick and should get help. I ended up crying in the library and Ashton did come to cheer me up as usual.
-L

Everyone is looking at me.
We all act like we don't recognize it but I see it. All of them. How they stare at my fat on my legs and my tummy. I don't like it either but I'm working on it.
-L

Michael cried when he went to sleep on Saturday. Reading Luke's diary got easier but more torturing. He still wrote it down. Michael needed it. Needed to write Luke's last words down.

Life in a nutshell is when you think it gets easier but then it does the opposite.
Calum and I were about to talk again but then I collapsed in gym class and he got mad at me again. He told me in the Nurse office that I have to eat or he will talk with my parents about my unhealthy behaviour. Ashton told me as well that he's worried about me but I'm good.
-L

My parents stopped being at home. It feels like they ignore the fact that they have a family. And I feel like it's my fault again. Like I'm too much to handle and they rather be everywhere but home. Or in our house it stopped being home.
-L

I hate romanticising. There is nothing romantic about sitting in the bathroom head bend over the toilet with your fingers and face being covered in your own snot and spit. It's disgusting and that describes what I feel pretty good. Disgust, the noun to be exact. Romanticising is something for Netflix or the cinema but it doesn't fit in real life. It's gross seeing what used to be in your tummy chilling in the toilet. To be honest it feels like the last part of humanity is taken away from you.
-L

I don't want to say that Calum started to hate me but that fits it very well. And Ashton distanced himself for me as well. I hoped. Really did that at least Ash will stay with me. But he stopped sitting next to me in classes. Now he sits with Isaak.
-L

I'm ending this. Myself. Me. I'm sorry. I really am. But it's not like someone will miss me. Mom and Dad stoped carrying about me about 3 month ago, as well as Calum did, but he cut strings 6 month ago, Ashton did 4 month later. My only friends are gone because I wanted to be happy, happy with myself and feeling good again. What a abstract thing.
I felt bad in my old me but now that I'm starting to be happy all of them stopped being it.
I'm sorry for being a disappointment. I'm sorry for being a shitty son, brother, friend... being me.
Oh god I feel so alone, I just need somebody holding my hand, telling me everything will be alright. I need love.
-L

Michael didn't slept at Sunday.  He laid awake in his bed and staring at the ceiling, Luke's note layed next to him.

He knew that Ashton and Calum weren't bad people but he was mad at them for leaving Luke when he needed them the most.