Love Letters 2

Letter #20

Dear Matthew,

You know I faked it all. You know me well enough to figure that out. I faked moving on. Maybe if I made someone else fall in love with me, maybe if I made him believe I loved him, maybe I'd eventually believe it, too.

I faked being strong, being happy without you.

My friends saw me smile on camera, but I made sure they didn't see me cry, scream, burn your picture...

If they didn't believe it, how could I possibly believe it?

That's right. I didn't.

So every night, when I turned out the lights, I was exactly at the same point as a year ago, the night we first met.

The point of falling asleep with you on my mind, and waking up with you on my mind still.