when we broke up >> l.h.

dos

before reading this, i would like to thank @cornerscrew for the covers she made! go bokeh!
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I sit at home on my leather couch, adorned in bling from head to toe. A black beanie with golden studs sits atop my head, while saggy jeans and a white t-shirt cover my lower and upper parts. Aimlessly I flip through T.V channels, until a particular person doing a derp catches my eye.

Not Him. Not my ex lover. I never wanted to see him again, not like this.

Seeing his angelic face made all my memories and feelings flow back into my mind. I remember everything. Kissing him, touching him, touching his insides, being in his presence, feeling each other will all of our love.

I always thought me and Luke were inseparable. I thought we were going to be forever. But then again, nothing lasts forever, nothing stays the same. So, why can't I stop feeling this way?

I find the urge to pick up my phone and call him grow stronger, and soon enough, I'm dialing his number. I know it by heart.

I hear his voice streaming through my iPhone 7. It's like the nights when he sang me to sleep when I called him up at 2AM, not being able to contain my nightmares. His songs and the gentle plucking of the guitar was enough to lull my fears away.

"...Snoop?" His voice sounds broken, like he's going to cry. I can almost feel his trembling in my fingertips, through the phone. Was this because of me?

"L-L-Luke? I-I-I need... you... please." I sounded more fragile than I intended, more...shaken. Hearing his voice was more than enough to make me start breaking down in tears. I should've never called him again.

"What do you mean, Snoopy Po- wait, no, shit sorry. I meant Snoop. What do you need?"

You, you piece of shit. I need you. I needed to hear your voice again. I wanted to be able to feel every piece of your beautiful blond hair that you left greasy as hell.

"Never mind, I was being stupid. I... I just saw you on T.V. You look good. You've changed a lot since I last saw you. Um... I'm... I'm gonna hang up now."

Luke got a new lipring and oh how I desperately crave the feeling of the cold metal on my lips when he kisses me at night before we go to bed.

"Snoop, wait! Please! Can we talk?" Luke pleaded, desperation lacing his voice. His beautiful, vanilla chocolate chip ice cream voice.

"A-About what? We don't need to talk. What could you possibly need to talk about with a low life no longer famous rapper like me. You're the big shot now, with your band touring with One Direction, not me. You don't need me." It hurt me to say those words. Letting the jealousy slip out of my mouth was like a stab to my golden studded beanie. It made me physically cringe.

"What are you talking about, Snoop? My fame did nothing to me. I haven't changed at all. You were the one who dumped me. You were the one that hurt me like this. I couldn't leave the fucking house for weeks. Calum had to buy me diapers because I couldn't find any physical strength to even pick my own grown ass up and go to the bathroom.

"You were the one who fucked me up, Snoop, the one who ruined my life. How could you do all of that to me, and then call me up like nothing happened? It's like a fucking broken record. You can't keep doing this. You can't keep telling me how much your heart hurts, then back out like a pussy ass bitch."

Hearing those words shoot from his mouth like venom, poisoned me. Poison that paralyzed me. I lifted my phone from my ears and whispered a small, "I'm sorry," before ending the call.

Forever.