Soldiers Aren't Supposed To Cry

Chapter 8

He's seen this place a thousand times, but each moment still shakes him to the core. He looks around the dark room, one light shining over him. His arms bound behind him, wrapped around the chair he's stuck in. He hears footsteps before a girl walks up to him, no older than ten. Her brown eyes filled with tears, her nightgown stained with blood that was partially someone else's.

"Why did you do it?"

"I didn't mean to, it wasn't me."

"Sure it wasn't. It wasn't you who killed mommy and daddy before murdering the rest of us. I was going to be a doctor." Another child steps forward, matted blonde hair and bloody pajamas.

"I was going to be an engineer, and our little sister was going to die honorably in battle after saving an entire country." His stomach drops, like it always does.

"I'm-I'm sorry, I told you it wasn't me. I-I was brainwashed and-"

"We don't need your excuses! There's no explanation for what you did!" As the girl yells this, more start walking towards him, all with the faces of those he murdered. Children, parents, politicians, innocents. And then she walks out. His first mission. A thirteen year old girl that was supposed to be held for ransom to get her father to give up some valuable information, but it soon turned into her demise when her father refused. She's holding a gun, one similar to the one he murdered her with all those years ago. She points it at him, and he begs for his life, even though it's useless.

"Please. I said I'm sorry. I was brainwashed. It wasn't me, please."

"Shut up, you coward. You just won't face the truth that you're a monster. He left because who could ever love an abomination like you?" She screams, the gun slightly shaking as she sobs. "You took my life away from me, and now I take your life away from you."

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Just as the gun sounds, Bucky shoots up in his bed, the sheets strewn around him in a nightmarish haze. His chest heaves with anxiety, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes, the outlines of his victims still hiding in his mind. Bucky only notices he's shaking when he reaches for the glass of water he keeps next to his bed, a habit he adopted from Steve in the 40's. He sighs before getting up, ignoring the sweat stain on his bed. Bucky changes clothes and walks to the common room, finding Peter and Morgan.

"H-hey! Do you guys want to go to Coney Island today?" Bucky asks, trying to ignore the memories that come along with it. Morgan jumps up and nods, Peter agreeing with her. Bucky smiles before telling them a time, and walking off to go get ready.

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As he walks through the red and white "carnival" gates, a wave of nostalgia and memories crashes into Bucky, causing his tight grip on Morgan's hand to falter slightly.

"You okay Uncle Bucky?"

"I'm okay, Peanut. Just a lot of memories here." He responds, smiling down at her. She nods before catching up with Peter, who had already run off to get a map for the group. Bucky walks up to them, following them around for a few hours before they finally reach the thing he was slightly dreading. The Cyclone.

"Ready?" Peter asks, looking at the other two for confirmation. Bucky just gives a quick nod and they step in line for the ride. As they step on, Bucky starts to get anxious and only notices his leg is bouncing when Peter puts his hand on Bucky's leg. He mumbles a quick "sorry" before the ride takes off. Bucky remembers the feeling of this ride in the 30's, and he's almost disturbed by how different it feels. They get off the ride and Bucky soon remembers this exact scene nearly 90 years ago.

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"Oh god Buck, I don't feel good."

"Get to the bathroom if you're gonna puke, Stevie." Steve runs off to the bathroom, coming back out a few minutes later, looking less pale and sickly.

"Better?"

"Shut up."

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As the trio is walking around the amusement park, going on random rides, Bucky stops at the viewing deck of the ocean to wait for Morgan and Peter. He soon recognizes this place from another moment here all those years ago.

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"Hey Steve,"

"Yeah Buck?"

"Can I tell you something?"

"Sure, unless you're dying. Then no, you can't."

"I'm not dying."

"Then go ahead."

"I love you. I've known since you asked your mom how she knew she loved your dad. Everything she said applied to me when I'm with you."

"Oh Buck, I-"

"S-Sorry. I should have figured you were straight anyway, I just wanted to shoot my shot and it's fine that you're rejecting me and-"

"James Buchanan Barnes, shut up before I kiss you right here, right now and make a lot of people angry."

"Wait, so you like me?"

"Of course I like you!"

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"Who wants ice cream?" Bucky asks, immediately getting a positive answer.

"ME!" Both of the kids shout. He laughs before walking over to the ice cream shop and buying three cones of ice cream, each their favorite flavor. Bucky hands the ice cream to both of them, and they sit down, enjoying their ice cream while Bucky remembers one more thing.

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"You didn't have to pay, you know." Steve sighs, looking up at Bucky, who's currently chowing down on a cone of chocolate ice cream.

"It was the gentlemanly thing to do." Bucky responds, smiling down at Steve before laughing. "You've got ice cream on your nose."

"I do? The hell? Where?" Steve says, trying to look at his nose enough to see the ice cream. Bucky laughs again before grabbing a napkin and wiping Steve's nose for him, causing him to blush.

"Come here." Bucky whispers, leading Steve into an alleyway, secluded from the rest of the amusement park. And it's there where they share their first kiss, just as the evening fireworks hit the sky.