Soldiers Aren't Supposed To Cry

Chapter 12

"Bucky?" Nat calls, wandering around on the bridge, praying she won't end up finding his body washed up on the side of the river. "James Barnes, where are you?!" As she whisper-yells this, a short sob comes from almost under the bridge, and she looks over the ledge to see a small figure by the shoreline of the river. She walks around the side of the bridge, proceeding down the hill and to the small area where she spotted the person. Nat reaches her destination, a small outcove of land partially under the bridge. Trees surround it, making it invisible to a tourist or untrained eye. By the river sits a small bench, and next to the bench is the small figure Nat had located only a few minutes before. "Bucky?"

"I didn't want Peter to tell you guys." He whispers, wrapping his arms further around himself.

"That was kind of obvious, but the kid was worried." Natasha mentions, taking a step closer to the man.

"I don't get why." Bucky mumbles.

"Maybe because one of his father figures could have left him."

"He has Tony and May and the rest of the Avengers. He'd get over me in time."

"But he'd still miss you."

"Not for long." Nat sees a tear fall from Bucky's face and she sighs before questioning him.

"Where is this shit coming from? I get that you miss Steve, but you were doing fine, I thought."

"It was the video. I had a panic attack so I came here."

"You could have talked to one of us."

"I didn't want to talk about it, and I still don't."

"Let's just get you home." The woman mumbles, wrapping her arm around Bucky's back and attempting to pull him in the direction of her car.

"NO!" He yells, pulling away from her grasp and covering his chest with his arms once again.

"Why not?"

"Cause then I'll have to face the rest of you guys and I'll have to look at Peter and-" His eyes widen as he speaks, his voice becoming rushed and his breathing labored as Bucky begins to think about the look on Peter's face when they get back.

"Okay, okay. I get it. We'll sit in my car for a bit, and I'll make sure you don't have to talk to anyone, sound good?" She questions, getting an affirmative nod from Bucky. Natasha smiles before ushering him to her car, opening the door and getting in. "Let's just sit here for a while." And that's what they do. Eventually, the low hum of the radio and the rumbling of the car lull Bucky to sleep, allowing Natasha to text the others a short message."Bucky's okay. He feels guilty and doesn't want to see anyone. I'll tell you more once I get him home, just don't try to see him." She gets a few responses before she puts the car in gear and drives away, heading straight for the tower.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nat pulls into the garage of the Avengers Tower, careful not to make too much noise with the snoring soldier next to her. She turns off her car and sighs, climbing out of the car and opening the passenger door.

"Come on buddy, let's get you back to bed." She whispers, nudging Bucky on the shoulder. He mumbles something in his sleep before sleepily opening his eyes, taking in his surroundings and before shifting and getting out of the vehicle. Natasha guides him inside and past the kitchen, where a few Avengers remain awake. Nat walks Bucky into his room and he plops on his bed. "Buck, you still need to brush your teeth."

"Noooo. Just wanna go to bed." He mumbles in response, too tired to even look up at Natasha. The panic attack took everything out of him, as they always do. The woman sighs and pulls him up, almost dragging him to the bathroom and propping him up against the counter.

"Brush your damn teeth, I'll be waiting in your room." Bucky mumbles a small "fine" before he picks up the toothbrush and begins to brush his teeth. He finishes and rinses his mouth, still hating the minty aftertaste accompanying the toothpaste. Bucky walks out of the bathroom and once again flops on his bed, Natasha sighing once again. "Tell me about Steve."

"What?"

"Tell me about Steve, before all of this. What was he like in the 40's?"

"A dumbass, I'll tell you that. Always got into fights, trying to be Mr. Hero even though he was 5'2, about 98 pounds and had the immune system of a frog. When I was in the army, all the guys would talk about their girls, but I would just talk about my Stevie. They all thought he was a girl until he started doing the Captain America tours and I yelled at him once he was done. Then he was just known as "Buchanan's doll". None of them cared. In fact, Stevie started a little "barbershop quartet" between the other Commandos and ourselves. Some of us had pretty good voices after we'd had a few drinks." Bucky chuckles, eyelids growing heavy with fatigue. "Those were the times."

"Go to sleep, Buck. I'll see you in the morning." Nat whispers, Bucky already too far asleep to get an answer from. She walks out of his room, quietly shutting the door before entering the kitchen where most of the Avengers are sat.

"How is he?" Peter asks, still worried about Bucky.

"Not good, but he won't talk to me about it. We just need to give him time." She responds, giving the team a solemn look. And with that, they go off to their respective rooms, trying to ignore what had happened that night.