Chaotic Calmness

The Truth is {preface}

For the past 7 years I've always tried to satisfy others through my work. I've always tried my best to make others happy. The sound of people clapping became something which appealed a lot to me. "Nalin you're doing a good job at your studies." "You're doing a good job at your extra-curricular." "You're doing a good job at writing poetry." And those appreciations and praises were all that I lived for, but when you're living for others' approval; one cataclysmic downfall can destroy everything. So failure quickly became something for me that I could never use to drive myself to work harder, rather it was something that weighed me down and getting back up was harder than it should be. By sticking to this work ethic for years, my entire functioning developed in a way which proved to be quite detrimental for me as I became devoid of the idea of self satisfaction. While writing Chaotic Calmness, I reminisced the past few years which left an impact on me in a good or in a bad way and during this process I was hit by a strong wave of nostalgia along with a storm of harrowing memories. It was during this recollecting session when I really understood about what went wrong during a certain time, and why something went so smoothly, that too in the way I wanted it to. This was the moment where I realised that I needed to switch gears, that it was necessary for my personal sanity to detach myself from such kind of work ethic and be proud of who I am and my work. This led to the creation of Chaotic Calmness. This book is about self love, self acceptance, dealing with toxic masculinity, fitting in, claiming a true and a real narrative for yourself, hopeless romanticism, accepting failures and going through all of that chaos to reach to a level of calmness , because not all stories end with, "and they lived happily ever after."
~Nalin