Sweet Dreams, Eli

Looking Back

Neglect is the #1 reason children
are removed from their home.

Eli

The only memory I have of my mother is the shape of her, a blurry face hovering over me, holding me. In my next memory of her, she isn't even there. I'm wearing a dinosaur t-shirt and someone had combed my hair. I wait patiently in a white, sterile room. It felt like a long time, but it was probably less than an hour, she never showed up. I must have been only three-years-old.

I don't know anything about my father, I don't even know his name, although I suppose his last name was Rodriquez like mine, at least I'm guessing.

My record says I was one-year-old when I came into care, but I don't know why I was removed. You would think someone would have the decency to fucking tell me the truth about my own life. Well, you might think that if you didn't know the system.

Anyway, I don't really remember those first few homes, four before my fourth birthday. I really must have been the worst baby in the whole world.

Some of the homes were okay, some were less great.

One, when I was five, had a big dog who chased me.

Another were alcoholics, who were always passed out.

Then there was the women who always talked to me loudly and slowly, like I was stupid or something.

A foster father who left bruises everywhere.

The family who kept the refrigerator locked.

The foster brother who used me as a punching bag.

The better homes included the foster mom who sang me to sleep.

The family with two younger daughters who liked to play with me.

The dad who taught me to build a bird house.

But it never mattered how nice they were, how well behaved I was, it never lasted. Soon enough I was gone. Erased from their life the way I wished I could erase them from mine.Or at least the hurt.

By the time I was nine, I had started competing against my own record, to see how fast I could get kicked out. My personal best is three days.

My worst score was two years. What I had to do to end it was... well it was pretty bad. It's why I know I can never stay anywhere forever.

I'm not a bad person, I swear, I just don't want to hurt anybody, including myself.

Especially not here.

Besides their happy is going to make me sick.

I bet I can beat my record. Two days.

How hard could that be?