Sweet Dreams, Eli

They Won't Miss Me

32% of children who reached 18 in foster care
were waiting in the system for more than 3 years.

Eli

I pace up and down the length of "my bedroom." This is crazy! What am I thinking? I haven't seen Dominic in years. Hell, I haven't even heard from Dominic in years.

I've only got a few months left anyway, I should just wait it out and then go stay with him.

I look around this room, this room full of stuff that's not mine. I think about this house so full of people who aren't my family.

I think of Dom in an apartment somewhere, alone. I think about living with my family again.

I grab my backpack and start stuffing it full of clothes. I'm not paying attention to what I toss in the bag, I'm not even sure if they are all my clothes. I don't care.

This is not my home; it never will be. I will never belong here. I belong with my brother; we should still be together. If the system wants to split us up, then screw the system and its rules. They say I'll be on my own when I turn eighteen, I've been on my own for years.

I'm going.

~

I go upstairs to dinner and pray no one notices my leg bouncing under the table. I force myself to eat, to act normal, to be invisible. I breathe a sigh of relief when I can finally escape the table and head back to "my room", the same one I've been avoiding for a week so I can make a plan.

I need money. Yes, Jackson is only a half an hour away in a car, but it's not like I have a car.

I look up the bus schedule on my phone

There is a bus leaving from the library at 5:09 tomorrow morning. The library is only a few blocks away.

Fare is only $1.50 plus $0.25 for every transfer; it looks like I'm going to need to make two transfers to get anywhere close to Dom's apartment. Two fucking dollars, and I'm at a total loss as to where to get the money.

Then I get an idea, guilt stabs at my gut, but it's the only way.

~

It's 12:25, and I haven't slept at all. I can't do it. I can't! Not after everything. I have always, always, sworn I wouldn't do this. No matter what.

You have to, the other voice in my head urges me. You need a way to pay for the bus fare. You need a way to get to Dominic. This is the way.

I grit my teeth.

My phone dings.

You got a plan yet?

I glare at the screen, and stab at the keys.

Yes

I hesitate for a moment.

But I hate it.

Why?

Cause I need money.

So? Take some.

I don't know if I can.

'Course you can. Didn't you say
these people have all kinds of
money?

I guess.

Just do it.

I close my eyes. He's right, they won't even notice a couple of dollars missing. This is not that big a deal.

I can do this.

I creep upstairs.

I walk towards the kitchen.

Alanna purse is right where she always leaves it.

I can't do this.

Did you do it?

No.

Do it!

I take a deep breath.

I reach for the purse.

I unzip the middle pocket and reach inside.

I find her wallet.

I pull out a dollar, then another...

I feel sick.

My phone dings again.

I can't wait to see you.

I take another five dollars just to be safe.

I put the wallet back, close the zipper, and place it carefully back on the counter, just like I found it.

I did it.

I take deep breaths as I tip toe back down stairs.

I'll be there by 7:30am
at the latest.

Sounds good.

~

I can't sleep the rest of the night. I'm a thief. I criminal. If they didn't hate me already, they will now. And isn't that what I wanted? For them all to hate me? For them to send me away? It is. So why does it feel so awful? Why can I barely stand that thought?

They were nice to you; that tiny voice in the back of my head whispers, the one I fight hard to suppress. The one that tells me not to give up.

I shake my head.Block it out. It's 4:45am. Time to go. And no one will miss me.