Love only knows broken ends

Chapter 28- Drug reactions

It's like you looking into darkness
And can't find a way out.
When something hurts your body so bad
It stops hurting
And you start to shut down.
The only thing that's close to living
Is actually killing you....

For this chapter, listen to everybody dies in their nightmares by xxxtentacion.

I walked towards the winery in the kitchen and also pulled out a bottle of ciroc. I was so determined to get high and forget all my problems. I opened the bottle and immediately swigged the spirit down my throat, without stopping.

Once I felt the burn, I stopped for a moment. I closed my eyes half way, scrunched a hand inside my hair and sat on a chair. I placed my head down on the counter for a couple of minutes, maybe thirty, and opened my eyes.

Everything seemed blur, shaky....and beautiful. I stood up from the chair and found myself walking...not knowing where I was moving. I leaned against a wall for support, but it didn't give me enough support.

I got on my knees and started crawling on the walls. I laughed my lungs out and fell on the floor, laying on my back. I stared at the ceiling and saw Kiana.

"I love you, Xhey." She smiled at me.

"I love you too, baby." I smiled back.

"Please don't ever give up on us." She frowned.

"I will never. Trust me. I will fight for us. I won't accept to marry Yosef. Ok baby." I smiled the more with a few droplets of  crystal tears falling down my cheek. Who knew breaking down could feel so beautiful.

Then that moment reached.... when my breath started to slow down. I felt dead inside. My tongue felt dry and my throat felt numb.

I panicked inside, at the tightening of my chest, muscles trying not to let another breathe in, but instead to die.

Then my head was heavy, bringing on a haze where thoughts were going nowhere and even the emotions were dull.

"Xhey." I heard a voice call my name.

It sounded far, but near.

"Xhey." The voice called out again, shaking my body so roughly.

"Xhey."

I stared at the ceiling, trying to stand up... but my limbs seemed not to work at all. And just like that.... I passed out.

*

I slowly opened my eyes, glancing around. I was in my room and in bed. Yosef and mum were in my room too, but they had fallen asleep. I slowly removed Yosef's arm that was lingering around my torso, and struggled out of bed.

I tried creeping out of the blanket, when I saw my hand attached to a drip. Why was I on a drip? I forcefully pulled it off my hand, feeling the pain, but I didn't care. I stepped on the floor and tiptoed to the bathroom.

I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were scruffy and my mouth was too dry. Who knew, I'd become one of the persons addicted to drugs. I guessed things change when depression is your only friend that understands you.

I'm honestly scared of these drugs...but I need them. I need to feel something. I need something to go to shit, something to be imperfect...for me to feel safer.

I sighed and traced my hand behind my jean pocket. I pulled out the few remaining tablets of the drug and sat on the floor. I crushed them on my palm so that it could be easier for me to swallow. I brought my hand closer to my face, and opened my mouth.