Love only knows broken ends

Chapter 32- Broken

I just feel....
Empty.
I feel like I'm...
Empty.
I just feel like there's nothing good.

Listen to trying my best by Anson seabra .

Xhey

"Maria's cleaned up your room and she'll be keeping an eye on you the most of the time when I'm not around." Mum muttered once we had gotten home.

"And who's Maria?" I questioned in a low tone.

"She's our new help in the house."

"We don't need help in the house."

"Yes we do, now that I know you take drugs."

I rolled my eyes and scrunched my nose in anger. I hated this. Everything! And my mum just seemed to add up to my anger. I climbed upstairs to my room and locked the door behind me. I sat down on the cold concrete floor, resting my back on the door.

No one, understands me.....Everyday is a constant fight against a feeling I don't even understand. I feel like a ghost in a world of paper dolls. I am the ghost in my own machine. I am a ghost running through time and space, and looking, always looking in the blackness of a sacred spark.

Godd! I am in painnnn! I stay up all night, telling myself I'm alright, yet I'm not. I'm not alright. Nothing is okay. This depression is killing me slowly and I hate it. I try to numb the pain too... but it only lasts for hours. Why? I don't know how to be okay. I really don't know how to....

I got up from the floor and walked towards the drawer next to my bed. I searched for my numb pills, but then... I couldn't find them. Where were they? Where are theyyy? I can't leave without them.

"Mum!" I shouted, unlocking my door and sloping down the stairs.

"Mum!"

"Xhey." She gasped getting out of her study room. "What is...."

"Where are my pills?" I questioned before she could complete her sentence.

"I don't know." She left my stare.

"Give me back my FUCKING PILLS." I shouted. "Give them back." I broke down.

"First calm down sweetie, ok."

"Noo. I want my fucking pills." I cried.

"I can't give them to you. Your life is in danger." Her face frowned.

"I hate you." I sniffled in my tears. "And I hope I hurt your feelings by saying so. I really want to hurt them, because..." I widened my eyes with tears while mum cocked her brows. "You have no idea how bad you've hurt my feelings." I started to whimper. "I will never forgive you for all the hurt you've caused me. This baggage in my heart is just too heavy to carry and unpack." I whimpered the more.

"I just wish that one day you get to feel what it's like to be a depressed creature, trying to console yourself that everything will be okay, but no... it will never be okay."

She opened her mouth in attempt to talk, but she didn't. She just glared at me, searching my eyes. I wiped the tears off my face and hurriedly ran upstairs to my room and locked it. I got to my bed and threw everything that was on top of my drawer, including the side lamp.

"Aaarggghh." I wailed. "I'm stuck in h-here with nothing." I gasped. "I just don't see a point. I don't see me being happy anytime soon."

I sank to my knees, giving way to my depression. I blinked briny tears from my eyes. My lashes stuck together in clumps as if I had been swimming. They made wet tracks down my face and dripped to my wobbling chin. Clear watery snot streaked from my nostrils down my pale skin to my open quivering lips. My shoulders shook, my hands hang low, making no attempt to wipe the tears.