Love only knows broken ends

Chapter 33- Nothing like us

Lost in confusion, like an illusion
You know I'm used to making,
Your day
But that is the past now,
We didn't last now
I guess this is meant to be...
Tell me, was it worth it?
We were so perfect....
Together through the storm,
There's nothing like us.

                                - Justin Bieber

For this chapter, listen to there's nothing like us by Justin Bieber.

Kiana

Love is just a dilemma people tend to believe in. I have observed we use this term to actually cover up our actual concern. Loneliness is what you get out of it. It makes your life miserable, breaks your heart into a thousand pieces and still each broken part of your heart misses her like your heart missed her as a whole.

It keeps you obsessed with her, you just miss her face, her eyes, her smile, her scent all the time, knowing that you're never going to get her again. Life becomes vulnerable as you're enslaved by her thoughts, you try to be normal, but you just can't. Each and everything seems meaningless, at starting everything looks extraordinary and ecstatic, but at the end you're left with nothing except agony and emptiness.

God!

I grabbed my car keys on top of my dressing mirror and walked to the room where I kept my shoes. I slipped my legs inside my new Air Jordan 1 Retro High kicks, that perfectly matched my black slit bra and black high waist leggings. Once I was done tying the laces, I got out of my room and headed downstairs.

"If Sasha comes around, tell her I'll be back by 9pm." I spoke to Jim.

"Sure ma'am." He replied.

I walked towards the front door and opened it. Before moving out, I stopped for a split second trying to render my thoughts. I turned around and faced Jim.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Uhhh, sureee." He blinked uncontrollably.

I swept a strand of hair from my face before I could go on.

"Is it bad being gay?" I puckered my brows at him.

He's mouth fell open.

"Just answer me." I scoffed and rolled my eyes.

He immediately closed his mouth and fidgeted to speak. "I, I mean..." he raked a hand in his hair.

"It-it's not. Um, why are you asking me?" He looked uncomfortable talking this with me.

I sighed.

"Nothing. Never mind."

I turned back to the front door and found my way out. That was so stupid of me. Asking my doorman his fucking view about gays... so stupid. I mean, it's not bad being gay.... or a lesbian, whatever term you'd want to use. But why was I feeling bad now about that?

I exhaled and unlocked my car. I entered in, started the engine and drove to the gym. During the whole drive to the gym, I couldn't stop thinking about Xhey, how she was, how her marriage with Yosef was going.... Fuck, that wedding. My lungs struggled for breath against my ribs whenever I thought of it. Xhey, a married woman!

I have lost her for good.

But, some part of me feels like she's not happy. I know.... because, I've seen a part of her soul she's never wanted to let out of the bag. I've touched her and seen her reaction to my touch.... beautiful, breathless.... and raw. For those moments we had together, she was more real than the blood in my own veins. She loved me....