Warnings: loss, grief, PTSD, depression, suicidal thoughts, angst
The funeral is the first time Bill leaves his house in a week. Ever since it happened, he hasn't been right. He had already lost Georgie, which made him majorly depressed. And now, just ten months later, he lost his love. That's what tipped him off the edge.
Bill was absolutely in love with Y/n. Every part of her. Her sparkling eyes, her bold personality, the way she was always ready for adventures and challenges.
But he never said anything, and it's too late now. Why did he wait? She loved him back! Why the hell did he wait?
Every night, Bill wakes up in a cold sweat, vividly remembering every painstaking detail. The way Bowers grabbed Y/n from behind, clamping a hand over her mouth to muffle her shocked screams, so no one could notice.
"Give me the gun, Hanlon," he said quietly. Everyone slowly turned to face Y/n, whose eyes were flooded with panic. Bowers arm squeezed her own arms to her body so she can't escape.
"What the f-f-fuck? L-let her guh-go!" Bill ran to him, but Henry kicked his chest, making his scrawny body fall to the stone ground.
"I don't th-th-think you'll get your wish today, B-B-Billy. Now give me the gun, Hanlon."
"Hell, no," Mike's voice was calm as he clutched the gun closer to him. Enraged, Bowers leapt at him, knocking Y/n and Mike over in the process.
"I SAID, GIVE ME THE MOTHERFUCKING GUN!"
Mike tried to hold onto Y/n as tightly as possible, which made him lose the grip on the gun. Henry's hands were free, so he grabbed the gun with one hand, and yanked Y/n's hair with the other. He pulled her back, pointing the cold barrel up against her temple.
The Losers were frozen.
"It's you that I've always wanted," Bowers whispered in her ear. "And now it's going to be the two of us. Unless your stupid friends come one step closer to you. Then I swear to God, I'll pull the trigger. So go down that well, losers, and everything will be okay."
Y/n nodded at her friends, a silent plead to leave. They exchanged looks of mutual agreement. Ever so slowly, Bill rose from where he was crumpled on the ground.
Y/n looked directly into his cerulean eyes with adoration.
"I love you."
Her confession was nothing but a hushed whimper, but it meant everything to Bill. It gave him even more courage to go through with his spontaneous plan.
To throw Bowers off, he started to take a step back. But then Bill reached out and took hold of his wrist, ready to break it so he could drop the gun. But Henry's reflexes were too quick. He pulled the trigger.
That's when Bill always wakes up, occasionally screaming his throat raw, like he did that day. But no one is there to comfort him when he sits up, trying to hard to catch his breath.
To pacify himself, Bill usually goes to the bathroom and splashes cold water on his face. Then, he goes back to his room and squeezes the living daylights out of her teddy bear. Y/n's parents gave it to him after it happened. Said she'd want him to have it. It still smells like her, so Bill buries his face in the top of its head, taking in every bit of her scent.
When it's daytime, he'll refuse to leave his room to do anything but eat and shower and go to the bathroom. While he's shut up in there, Bill will look at his drawings of Y/n or draw some more. Also, there are times where he'll lie down and stare at the ceiling, stuttering to Y/n and Georgie up above.
