Supercasualisticmuffdivinfunkyjunkylovepoems

Note to self

I have to live a simple manageable life I have to get off paper I am too old to go back to prison and I get these inspirations and ideas I have to run with them like there's no tomorrow and as far as my music goes I need to have fun with her again I need to allow myself to dream and use my talents as it platform to bring people together and take care of my own since I know I'm not perfect I can finally just live like there's no tomorrow and stop being afraid of failure and success. Talking to my son's tonight really made me feel proud that they are both doing what they need to do to live a good life. Especially Donavyn who was bucking the system and getting bad grades. Turning around his attitude really isn't an easy thing to do. It makes me think of the times in my life when I had to improve my attitude and change how I lived. I just didn't do it I tried but it didn't pay off so I said fuck the world. As of late I've calmed down committing crimes but still haven't been able to follow all the rules. Still it blows my mind how whenever I try to do the right thing all the way everything goes wrong. If it ain't me getting mauled by bedbugs or stuck at my moms with her drinking and antagonizing me or getting into a spot where I was hitting myself because of such self-hatred. Or like the faggot ass Wisconsin state patrol who pulled the work van I was driving home over because of a burnt out tail light so I went to jail for having no license even though I have paid them people their money two times and did everything they told me to do and yet they have some more red tape because I live in a different county now so I have to do it all over again. Or like when I was painting my father-in-law's house and he attacked me I went to jail. Or like when I went on Suboxone and it sent me into rapid withdrawal and I shit my pants and lost the job. But mostly it's just an air that comes over my life when I try to straighten up. It feels like the devil prying into my fears and making everything fall apart. When I seen that demon peering into my window that night I should've known some bullshit was on the horizon. And sure as shit less than 24 hours later I was back in jail. You'd have to do some serious convincing to tell me that an evil outside force isn't working against me.