Montana Sky

Chapter 18: All the Pain

My mind is heavy, thoughts unclear
Came down crashing, spirits weaken
I'm not ready to let all of this cave in
Fix my body, I can't move, I feel helpless to you
See in your eyes, you're suffering, left me speechless
Left feeling bent, can you stay with me?
Don't lay low, or float above, a new sun will come
All the pain that you've been through
Take it away, what ails you
– Superheaven: All the Pain –

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Stefani came to with a deep gasp, waking from sleep or unconsciousness or maybe even some sort of a coma; she was in the bedroom, pain tearing through her entire body, its furious flames starting from her hip and spreading everywhere. She screamed, trying to curl up on the bed but unable to move much; for a moment she wondered if she was paralyzed, or indeed dying, if the agony she had battled with for years now had finally won, had finally succeeded in destroying her completely.

She was in hell. This really had to be what hell was, forcing her through a merciless fire with ten-headed beasts snapping at her heels, torturing her until the end of days.

"Stefi?" Natali's very pale face swam in front of her eyes, tears moving down the brunette's cheeks, a brief warmth of her hand appearing on Stefani's shoulder; even that seemed to increase the pain and she twisted herself away, sobbing. Then she sensed Bradley on her other side, her gaze snapping to him; he was as white as a sheet, looked horrified, stress and worry clear on his face that seemed to be reflecting her pain, each lash of it through her body making him wince too.

"Stef, you have to take some medication; you're in a really bad state and I don't think the pain will go away on its own this time."

"No," she moaned, really not wanting to take any of the pills as she had managed without them for weeks now and was determined to keep it that way, the few flareups she'd had during her time here settling without. A small part of her had already hoped she was somehow miraculously healed, that there wouldn't be any more pain, but obviously these latest events had been way too much for her mind to deal with; the agony had started the moment Irina had torn the screaming Lea from her arms, uttered her harsh, cold words. She faintly remembered falling onto the ground, pain engulfing her; everything from then on was covered in darkness but Bradley's face told her pretty much everything she needed to know.

"Is Lea okay? Where is she?"

He sighed heavily, rubbed a hand over his face. "Irina took her to New York; I tried to stop her, but she was adamant to... to get her far away from you. Look, I will..."

"What?" She tried to think, tried to grasp onto some sort of a reality, really hoping this wasn't it; maybe she was sleeping still, stuck in a nightmare world and in her real one this wasn't happening, this horror that was exactly what she had been terrified of, after first meeting Irina. She remembered reading something in the brunette's eyes back then already, not understanding it, remembered the terrible worries she'd had about her past, the model not wanting the little girl near her as a result of everything she had done; now that was exactly what had happened, but the reason couldn't be her history, not after all this time, it had to be something else. "New York? When? She was just... here."

Natali lay down next to her, careful to not touch her too much, very loosely grasping her fingers. "Stefi, honey, you passed out from the pain yesterday, and you've been mostly out of it for an entire day. It's Sunday evening now."

"Oh my God." She moaned, an acute wave of nausea washing over her; Bradley swallowed, took a deep breath.

"Stef, I don't want you to worry about this. Irina will settle down; we just need to get you to..."
"She won't." A sensation of sheer coldness clutched at the blonde's heart at the memory of Irina's expression; she could tell Bradley was trying to keep her calm, trying to make things sound far better than they actually were, but the shock and sadness in his eyes were obvious, and she knew he was fully aware of the gravity of the situation. "She won't, B. The way she looked at me... I told you I wasn't going to be the reason for you losing Lea, and now..."