Montana Sky

Chapter 24: Riding in Rollercoasters

It's never gonna stop, this crazy thing called love
It's a rollercoaster ride
At one point I'm on the side, next thing I'm almost flying
It's a rollercoaster ride
Sometimes I'm up, sometimes I'm down
Sometimes I'm spinning 'round
And it's never gonna stop, this thing called love...
– Natasha Thomas: Rollercoaster Ride –

*****

She dozed for a moment in his warm hold, drifted awake when he gently brushed his lips against her forehead; the evening was darkening slowly outside the car, the sky a very intense blue. Bradley traced her spine carefully, massaging both sides of it in little circles, and the feeling was so blissful that she didn't really see much point in moving from here, ever.

"We should eat soon," he whispered, a deep chuckle emerging from his chest as Stefani shook her head, burrowed tighter into him. "And then get you into a proper bed for a good night's sleep."

"This is the best bed," she muttered, making him laugh again; she sighed, really becoming very hungry now, a lot of energy burned by their recent actions on top of her already increased appetite. "Damn. I don't want to get up, but your kid has clearly inherited daddy's endless love of food."

"Sorry." He sounded slightly sheepish, slid his hands down to her lower back, pressing gently on the muscles and she moaned, feeling deep relaxation flooding her body.

"Jesus, B. Since when have you been a trained massage therapist?"

"Since five minutes ago." He laughed, continued to gently manipulate her back for a moment longer, then tickled her side teasingly. "Honey, you're going to have to move first if we want to get out of this car."

She groaned, not happy about that task at all, finally managing to lift her head from his chest; Bradley watched her with a small smile, tucked some hair behind her ear.

"You're so beautiful. Absolutely glowing." He traced her cheek softly. "How are you feeling?"

Stefani teared up from his words and the immense tenderness in his eyes, sniffled; she was on such a rollercoaster ride with her emotions and it was slowly intensifying every day, but his support helped so unbelievably much. "Tired. Scared. Kind of gross and crying all the time, but that's nothing new since I've cried ever since we first met. I'm sorry; you must be getting really sick of it by now, and it's probably not going to end anytime soon."

"Don't ever apologize for showing your emotions, Stef." He kissed her forehead, gently dried the wetness beneath her eyes with his fingertips. "These are precious angel tears, and I don't ever want you to feel like you have to try to keep yourself in check around me or something. You can cry as much as you need to, okay?"

"Okay," she whispered, pressed a couple of kisses onto his chest, snuggling into an even more comfortable position. "Do I really have to get up?"

"I'm afraid so, but hold on a moment." Bradley caressed her jawline, tugged her head back up. "First tell me why you're scared? Is it the fear of losing the baby, or...?"

"That too." She swallowed, feeling the familiar terror reaching into her mind again; she was pregnant for the first time in her life, without much knowledge about how her body and her health conditions might react to the new life growing inside her, and it was so early still, with many weeks to go until she could relax even a little bit. "But also... what if I'm a terrible mother, B? What if my depression becomes really bad after she's born, and I won't be able to take care of her?"

"Sweetheart, stop." He wrapped his arms tightly around her again, rocked her soothingly. "You're getting completely ahead of yourself; please don't think like this. Whatever may come, we will deal with it together, but you will be the best mother; like I told you early on, that became clear to me the moment I saw you with Lea for the first time. I'm not saying raising the baby will be a walk in the park; this past year has definitely shown me it isn't, there are challenges and worries almost every day, but I will be with you, every step."