right person, wrong time.

and who didn't love a good game?

Chapter Nine

Laurie

I was in a pickle. As in, I was in a situation that I couldn't even put into words because of how wrong it was?

Amy, my wife, I loved her. I love her. She's the light of my life and I can wholeheartedly imagine myself being happy with her but thing was... Could I be happier?

Since returning back to Concord, Massachusetts I thought maybe Amy and I could find our spark again. The one that was electric and alive when we got married. But instead, much to my dismay, it reignited a flame for something else and for someone else.

Ha! Not that there was much to ignite. It was unrequited. Afterall I was foolish, young and naïve to think anything otherwise on her part.

And yet, every time I see her now whether she's scribbling in her journal or arguing with her sisters or playing with her nieces my heart stops for those few moments. Remembering her little quirks has me lost for words. I was still helplessly infatuated with her.

Gah! It's pointless for me to still think like this. I'm married for goodness sake and Amy and I have spoken about our troubles and the possibility of our futures, together and even apart but... I had to be the better man. Honestly, I don't think I even know who or what that looks like.

I knew that if Amy felt anything for someone else, I'd let her go freely. I loved her enough to do so but would that make me selfish?

Great. I was officially an over-thinker.

I used to be so carefree, just me and my music and my best friend. But even then I wanted more, with her.

A piece of me died that day she said no.

My life had changed so irrevocably that moment when she told me she didn't feel the same way.

I didn't know I could love again, until Amy.

That's what makes this all so much worse. I'll always put Amy first, she deserved that at least.

But Jo- ah!

I knew she would find someone else. I told her she would that day. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Professor Bruff or whatever his name was. What's worse is, I'm sure he's a great guy. I wouldn't blame him for falling her.

I did the moment I laid eyes on her.

When I say my blood boiled the first time I heard of him doesn't even come close to the gut-wrenching feeling I felt claw away in my chest. I mean I believe in pacifism like the next guy but I really wanted to hit something or more specifically a tall, (according to Meg) french guy.

Hey and mind you, I can speak french too. Zut alors!

The thing was, I was mad at her after her rejection. I was infuriated, enraged but she couldn't help what she felt, or more what she didn't feel for me. I had come to terms with that (I'd like to think) and it was obnoxious for me to even be angry with her in the first place.

I just wish- no.

Sometimes I catch her glancing at me when she thinks I'm not looking but, what she doesn't realise I'm always aware of her. It's as if she's an extension of my entire being.

I can't not think about her.

Sometimes, behind her brief glimpses, I sense as though she may feel what I once felt for her. Felt? Feel? Who knows.

What I do know is, I need to squash this tenderness which had suddenly resurfaced again. For mine and Amy's sake.

God, I was such an asshat.