The Life of a German Soldier (Upgraded/Edited)

Chapter 4- Losing Control

What was that? An animal? A soldier? If a soldier, what side? I was too afraid to peek my head over the foxhole.

"These can't be more Russians. Maybe a patrol, but why so early in the morning?"

My thoughts raced. Then I heard another noise, a big bang and then laughter. Leaves started to rustle. These were not animals or were they since the Soviets were animals? I laughed to myself. I was not sure what to do since I was the only one awake. Run? Yell? Surrender? 

"The forest is about eighty meters away so could I run? Quickly?"

I knew this was a risky idea but I had to do it. It would be too late to tell the others. I looked the other direction, that way would lead me to a huge open field, I would still run. I peeked my head over the foxhole. They had sat down on rocks, laughing and smoking. I looked back at Ralph, this would be the last time I see him. I went over to him to gather his things and Kurt's. 

"Ok........" I looked up at the night sky and quickly prayed for God to protect me. "Three, two, one."

I got up from the hole and ran as fast as I could the opposite direction of the Russians. Over the sound of my hard running feet, I heard them talk louder. I looked back and saw there faces looking in this direction.

"Shit!"

I pushed myself to as fast as I could go. I had just passed the pillbox and now I was entering the never-lasting open field. I had felt free now. My lungs burned and I now walked out into the open night, with no protection. I planned to walk until morning so no one could see me. 

My stomach rumbled. I had no food or water. My heart dropped as I remembered that I had thrown the canteen and mess kits somewhere in the pillbox. I had sat in the moistened grass. I couldn't take this anymore. A wrath of anger filled my body, my hands trembled, my head spinning in all directions. I took my helmet off and tugged at my hair. I felt stupid. I had ran away from soldiers of my kind just because I was scared that I was going to die. I had just put the lives of about one hundred in the hands of death. I had betrayed my bravery, strength, and most of all, my country. I lay myself on the ground and looked up at the stars. I felt a tear fall down the side of my face. I had heard one gunshot, than another. I closed me ears and a pushed my legs up to my chest. I started crying now. The gunshots still passed through my ears. I wanted to get and up run but my legs shuddered. I tried to get over it. I continued to press my hands over my ears, the pain and the screams surrounded me. I started to hear voices in my head and felt nauseous. I heard forces of my family members, fellow soldiers like Kurt, and my grandpa that had served in the first world war. I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed my bayonet from its sheath and threw it against my neck. I closed my eyes and I teetered back and fourth. Everything grew silent. I started to fall backwards and I rolled my eyes into the back of my head. I had loss all control of my body, I had fainted.