Cross my heart - Tommy Shelby

•19•

The days turned to weeks and the weeks waned into a full month. There was no progress in Eliza's memory.

Her mind felt dazed constantly- it was frustrating to her.

She felt strong emotions to certain people or things- but she didn't understand why.

It was like Eliza's instincts were screaming at her- her mind pleading for her to remember why.

She never did.

She was only certain of a few things. One of which was that she was pregnant- it had taken her a while to come to terms with it, but now Eliza couldn't imagine life any differently.

The mother to be had even taken up knitting, it was soothing and she enjoyed making little hats, booties and blankets for when the baby arrived. It also gave her time to think, and try to recollect any memory she could.

And then there was John, he still came over, bringing a plum pie made my his aunt and sister every few days.

He claimed that "plums aided in the reversal of memory loss", so far there was no luck with it.

Sometimes he took Eliza on "outings" which were really just trips to his family's house on watery lane.

Eliza liked it at the house, it was homely and always abuzz with some sort of domestic chaos.

Finn, the youngest, has become quite taken with her- and Eliza and Arthur got on swell.

The only other brother, Tommy- didn't seem too keen on her. It confused her to no end.

Had she done something wrong to offend him? Did she do something to him that Eliza's thoughts wouldn't let her remember?

It got to the point where the middle Shelby wouldn't even look at Eliza, it made her heart become heavy and burdened.

It was on one evening at the Garrison, when the atmosphere was quiet and the bar was practically empty- that Eliza finally stood her ground and questioned the man.

Thomas was sat at the bar, sipping at his whiskey, a cool and concentrated look across his face.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Eliza stood beside him, her arms folded and a frown on her face.

If Harry could've seen his younger sister, he would've made a snarky comment about how toddlerlike she was being.

But Tommy kept avoiding her eyes, he instead gulped down his whiskey and replied.

"Go home Eliza."

"Oh so he speaks." Eliza huffed, "He isn't mute after all?"

The man shook his head, trying to keep the conversation one sided.

"Y'know I've known you Shelby's for about a fortnight now- and you haven't spoken to me once." Eliza grit her teeth, "What the hell did I do so wrong that caused you to hate me so much."

He sniggered, shaking his head as he knocked the crystal glass back, "Just leave it- go back upstairs."

"No." Eliza replied, sitting in the chair besides him, "I'm going to follow you around until you tell me why you hate me."

It looked as if Tommy was calculating the outcomes in his head. The atmosphere was silence and tension filled.

A few moments later he spoke again, "Eliza I could never hate you." Tommy looked at the remanence of the whiskey in his glass, "I will never hate you- If anything I hate myself for not being able to protect you and for failing you."

It was Eliza's turn think deeply, but her words failed her and refused to come out.

Did she mean something to him, was she apart of his life?

"What did I mean to you?"

"Everything. You meant everything to me."

//

"John?"

"Yes."

"Was I ever involved with Tommy- romantically I mean?"

There was a pause in his footsteps; looking across, Eliza saw him staring dumbfounded- a blank expression covering his face.

"What brought this up?"

"Just something Tommy said the other night."

John looked even more dumbfounded, "and you didn't think to tell me?" He began dragging Eliza across the road to a secluded area, away from prying eyes and ears. "Look, im going to be honest- because you're my best mate." He sighed, "You and Tommy had a thing before your accident, you'd sleep together and spent a fuck tonne of time together alone."

"Does that mean..." She couldn't bring herself to say what her thoughts were suggesting.

"That he's the baby's dad? Yes."

Eliza hadn't expected John to be so honest, so firm. It was unusual to hear him without at least a bit of sarcasm or humour in his tone of voice.

It made her feel numb, she was in a state of overwhelming shock.

"I need to talk to 'im." The girl began to pace in the direction of the betting shop.

Only to be stopped by John.

"Leave it for now- you have a fuckin' appointment to get to remember." John was acting completely differently to what Eliza remembered.

//

Eliza let out a shaking breath, it was her first proper appointment regarding her pregnancy.

She was in the waiting room, still anticipating the moment they called out her name.

John had booked the appointment, so it was put under the name Shelby. He claimed it was so her name wouldn't be tarnished.

"Missus Shelby..."

Her head snapped up, anxiety riddled her entire being. But apparently she wasn't the only person using the same surname.

"It should be Mrs Thorne actually, Shelby is my maiden name." The girl beside Eliza, spoke up.

The nurse checked her clipboard, shuffling and lifting papers to investigate this potential mistake.

"Apologies Mrs Thorne, you have been put down as Mrs Thorne. There is another patient who has been booked in under the name Shelby."

The woman looked around incredulously, trying to seek out this person who was using her family's name.

"Missus Shelby- Missus Eliza Shelby." The nurse called out once more, as Eliza slowly raised her hand to signal her presence, "Right, come on through then Missus Shelby."

The woman who was sat formally sat next to Eliza, looked as if she was in a state of shock.

Before Eliza could walk away, her hand was held back by the brunette.

"Meet me here when your appointment is finished- we need to have a little chat."