The Color Of Blood

Part Six; Peggy

When Peggy found him, Steve was in a bombed out pub pouring over a map. The clutter of old chairs and ruined tables had been pushed out of the way, creating a clearing for Steve to work. An empty bottle sat nearby and the smell of whiskey permeated the room, mingling with the dust and making her nose itch.

She couldn't see until she stepped closer just what the map held and when she did, she sighed.

"I don't want to hear it," Steve said, and though she had been the one to sneak up on him, Peggy startled at the sound of his voice. It was rough as if he'd been crying, but he sounded totally sober. An effect of the serum, she presumed.

"Captain Rogers," she said. Stepping closer, Peggy saw the lines marking certain parts of the map, circles crudely marked here and there and Xs elsewhere. Her heart ached for him and she wanted to reach out, to comfort him, but she wasn't quite sure how. "Steve."

"Peggy," Steve said, his voice a plea all on its own. "Please, just don't."

When she had first met Steve, she knew there was something special about him. Perhaps it was the strength she could sense hiding in his small body, or the compassion he wore like a button on his sleeve. There was an earnestness about him that captivated her, drew her in and made her want to know more. In total honesty, she wasn't surprised to find him here and she was even less surprised to find what he was doing.

That's why it killed her inside to step forward, placing a hand on the map, forcing him to look at her. "Steve, I'm sorry. I know this is hard on you. I know that you and Sergeant Barnes were close--"

"He's not dead," Steve said. He looked back down to the map. "Can you please move your hand?"

Peggy took her hand off the paper, opting to fold her arms across her chest. She studied the map in front of them. He'd made a point of eliminating the areas too far out of range for Bucky to have landed and there were circles in a few areas that he had deemed most likely.

"You saw him fall," Peggy said. She felt as though she was talking to a child, trying to explain to them in a way they could understand that their friend was dead. And as much as she knew it was necessary to make Steve understand, she also hated herself for it; why did she have to ruin this for him? Why couldn't she just let him have this delusion, let him believe his best friend was still alive out there? But she knew in order for him to move on, he had to accept this.

Bucky was not coming back.

"No one could have survived that fall," Peggy continued. She moved to rest her hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged it off and kept his eyes down.

"What if Zola had been experimenting on him?" Steve asked suddenly. A fierceness swelled in his voice that Peggy hadn't recognized before; an urgency more than desperation. "He was trying to recreate the super soldier serum, what if Bucky was his lab rat?"

Peggy considered this. "So you want to use our resources leading your men on a dangerous mission to try to retrieve him? Because you think he's still alive?"

"He is alive," Steve said, "and I won't take any men or resources. I'll go by myself if I have to."

"Steve!" Slapping a hand down on the table, Peggy felt as though she had well and truly had enough of this. He was acting crazy and if nice wasn't going to help him, then she would play the role of Agent Carter to make him see the truth. "Are you even listening to yourself? This is a suicide mission."

For a moment, as Steve looked up at her with glossy eyes, she thought she had finally gotten through to him. But he simply released an unsteady breath and said, "I know it's dangerous. I know it sounds crazy. But I also know that Bucky is still alive out there."

Peggy shook her head sadly. "How could you possibly know that, Steve?"

For the first time since she'd met him, Steve looked uncertain. His gaze dropped back to the map and he fiddled with the pen in his hands before he looked up at her again. His voice fell to a whisper and he said, "Because if Bucky was dead, the color would be gone."

It took a moment, then two, for Peggy to process what he was saying. And when she did, it all made so much sense. "Sergeant Barnes is your Match."

Steve looked back to the map. He didn't confirm her words, but instead reiterated, "I have to find him."

Turning back, Peggy let her attention really fall on the map. She genuinely looked at it, trying to understand what the markings meant and if he'd narrowed down a certain area. "It's too much," she finally said, gesturing to the places he had circled. "There's no way we can cover this much area alone. If we go to Phillips and ask for a few men, tell him that you're certain Sergeant Barnes is still alive--"

"No," Steve interjected. He shook his head for good measure. "No. You can't tell anyone about this. If anyone finds out--" he trailed off and she could only imagine the things soaring through his head. The penalties, the consequences for both Steve and Bucky if word of their Match got out. "No," he said again.

"Sam-sex platonic bonds aren't going to get you tossed out of the army, Steve," she said.

For a brief moment, the uncertainty from before was back and she could see the words play across his features, knew exactly what he was going to say, before they even left his mouth. "And what if it's not platonic?"

Peggy sighed. "We're in this alone then, aren't we?" She stuck out her hand. The map looked massive in a way it hadn't before when she said, "Pen?" and started to get to work.