| It's Always Been You | Reddie Fanfic |

5

TW - SUGGESTIVE MATERIAL/GORE/SH

Stanley woke up, covered in a lead-scented room. He looked down to see blood seeping through his sheets onto his perfectly white, fluffy mattress. He spread out his arms, wrists up, but the feeling of open-air rushing into the cuts burned. He laid there, and he cried.

The boy made a little sound and looked up. A white ceiling stared back. Hours passed in this position, and he let the cuts close. His nose filled with a cold, heavy lead scent like someone had shoved blood in his mouth. He slammed his eyes closed and squeezed his fist when he felt the light boy on his hips again. Blood burst through the scabs and he screamed. He watched the comforting, thick liquid fall to his sides and stain his bed. He hated it, but he felt so good about it.

28 cuts total. 14 on each side, almost reaching his inner elbow. The red drops bothered him, it was like they were mocking him. You get hurt, and we get loose. His blood loved this. Oxygen at last.

He had never felt as useless. Fuck you Stanley. You could've run, you could've left. You fucked it all up, and now it's your turn to pay. See those cuts? Those are for every second you let him hurt you. You did this. You hurt Bill. You hurt them all.

-

Richie waited, sitting on the crumbling boulders separating land and water. His mind paced, thinking this, thinking that. A small wave lept from the river and soaked his sneakers. Shit. He wrapped his legs around the little section of grass he was waiting on.

Beverley clicked the lock over her chipped, white door. She ran down the stairs, with her soft blouse flowing close behind. "Rich!" She grabbed his shoulders. The boy jerked around, throwing grass stains on his already destroyed blue jeans.

"Jesus Bev, give me a warning next time!' Richie squeaked, pressing a hand on his kneeling leg, and crouching upward.

"Sorry, but you know I have to be quiet when I sneak out." She laughed and handed him a dusty cigarette from her back pocket. He spun it between his fingers for a second, before it was pushed between his front teeth. He let out a sigh of relief when the first smoke puff left his lips.

"So, I was thinking you do something romantic? Maybe bring him for a walk just outside of town, slowly pick flowers, setting them into his hair, and tell him?" The short-haired girl grinned, obviously loving the idea.

Richie rubbed his arm, "I don't know... I'm not great with all of this romance stuff."

Beverly looped his arm around hers, "follow me, I'll show you."

The kids walked for what was a mile, and both of their feet were slightly throbbing. Neither of them wore the right shoes for this kind of walk. They stumbled into a field of flowers. Bright red roses, barely yellow daisies, pale tulips, and lilacs filled their eyesight for as far as maybe 70 yards. The open area was like a circle, surrounded by an oak forest. The leaves were a beautiful, bright green, and the grass colored with a slight shade of teal-green. Richie smiled, and imagined taking Eddie's hand, laying down on the field, and sleeping for hours. He knew it was perfect. The boy's heart was beating so fast, he thought he was going to need the inhaler.

"So...?" Beverly flashed her bright, minty fresh teeth at the boy, hoping for a positive response.

"I... It's perfect." Richie couldn't stop thinking about proposing to Eddie in a field like this, getting married surrounded by wildflowers, and family. He never stopped smiling, not for a second.

"Good. I'm so happy!!" Beverly almost screamed, but she resorted to jumping a little too much. "Tonight? Please tell me you'll do it tonight!!"

"Bev. I smell like smoke, Eddie hates smoke. And I want to shower, put nice shoes on, and smell great. This is Eddie." He scratched his neck, and a tear let loose, falling onto the only blue flower in the field. Richie plucked it, and held it close to him. "Thank you." They wrapped their arms around each other, almost as tight to the point where they could feel each other's heart beats.

"Aww, ok. Tomorrow then!" Richie nodded, and they walked home.

-

"Stanley! Bill's here!!" Stanley's mother, Andrea called from the lower level.

Panic spread from throughout the boy's limbs. He hadn't moved in the last few hours, and the cuts were hardly scabbed over, still leaving little wet droplets on each scar. He tried to let his arms help him up, but they were so raw from the blade that dug into his arms just hours before, it was too sore to move quite yet. His body slammed back onto his bed, and he sighed, using his core to force himself into a sitting position and back to his closet. He found a dark sweatshirt, and threw it over him, yelling in agony. The boy opened the door, tearing a couple of the wounds and wincing. He walked downstairs and out the door.

"Be home by tonight, I've missed you." Andrea smiled and kissed his curly hair. "Have fun."

Stanley nodded, and closed the door behind him, noticing some red dripping down his hands. The sleeve pulled up, and revealed 5 of the cuts had been reopened and were making a pool of blood on the poor boy's scrawny arms.

"Hey, Stan." Bill stood behind him, trying to peek in on what was so interesting at the door. "W-whats up?" The cheer in Bill's voice chilled Stan, and he looked down, trying not to cry.

"Not much, I guess." Bill held Stanley's face up to his, trying to understand the cold, dead feeling of his voice.

"Wanna g-go bike?" They walked to the pavement, and Stanley left a full trail of paint behind him.

"Not today Bill. I don't feel up for that right now." A tear leaked his eyes. You broke that boy. Cheater. He thinks he loves you, pfft! You can't even stay loyal after the first kiss. Fucking loser! He ran back inside, Bill yelling after him.

Is he okay? Bill thought, still unaware of the liquid that dripped onto his shoe. I'll let him be for now, maybe he'll come to me later today. He rode his bike on the pavement until he stopped at his house.

"Hey Denbrough." A voice coughed. "Seems like Stanley really just doesn't want to be with you, does it?" Bill looked up to see the face of Connor Bowers.

"You d-don't know s-shit!" He retorted, still hurt by the boy running away.

"I think I know plenty of what you don't." The boy tugged Bill behind a couple of bushes. "I know he kissed... someone else. I know he doesn't want to see you because he's hiding something. I know he let someone touch him. See, you may have kissed him once, and said a few cutesy things to him, but in the end, you really don't mean anything to him."

"That's c-complete shit! S-Stanley wouldn't f-fucking do that to m-me!" The brown-haired boy ran inside, holding back tears.

Is that true? Does Stanley like someone else? Did he kiss someone else? Did he really hold someone else? I'm so stupid! I let down my guard! Stupid stupid!! Shit like this is what fucks you over bill! When you fuck with your feelings, they will fuck with you right back!

He fell into his dark bed and covered himself. The sheets formed around his shaking body. Every second he sat there, the more he felt like throwing himself out of the window. The glass shattering over his skin, letting it slice every second, and losing feeling the second the ground impales his head. Nothing sounded better to the boy, but he still let himself lay, sad.

-

It's time. A wavy-haired boy stared back in the mirror, wearing a pair of khaki jeans and a colorful, striped shirt. Time to get yourself a man, get yourself Eddie.

~~~~~~

Wow! 1,414

Hey guys! This was also a kind of sad chapter, but I promise it should get better if it goes in the way I'm thinking. Unless...

I've been updating a lot the past couple of days, and it's possible I could update again tonight, but I'm not sure yet!

Love you all,

Em