On a Rainy Day | j.k

Chapter 7: Still with you

Something i had feared greatly has finally come. I'm losing you. When you stopped sleeping in my room, everything was pitch black. Sleeping with you always made me feel like there's a spotlight of love and tenderness on me and I'm scared because I'm getting used to this darkness, without you in it. The faint humming of the air-conditioner, one I couldn't hear before, was so clear in my ears it helped me cope with the silence you replaced with the sound of your breathing. Without it I would've gone crazy, I would've fell apart.

That faint voice of yours that's always given me a sense of security, even the way you call my name is different. Please call my name one more time, reach out to me, tell me you love me. I'm standing still under the frozen light, the same light you cast on me with your eyes at night when you tell me how beautiful my existence is. Even if I'm tired, even if I'm worn out, I will walk towards you, step by step. Because i realised that i should never give something like you away just because you couldn't say you love me when i know you do.

Every time we laugh, every time we cry were moments i could never forget because those are the moments I thought you were the most beautiful. Standing from a distance i see your eyes crinkle when you smile, the almost invisible dimple on your right cheek appear and how your cherry plump lips move when you laugh in contrast to how they are even more plump and red when i have mine on then. When your eyes are pooling with tears and your pretty, long lashes stick together, the way you try to hide your reddening cheeks when your full on sobbing and trying to get your swollen eyes back to normal when you were the one to rub them harshly.Those were the moments i felt someone from up there has blessed me greatly, moments i thought couldn't get better but it always did.

Moments i fell in love more.

But now those are mere memories i want to make my reality again, if i knew this would happen I would've tried to memorise every single blemish on your pretty face, every scar, freckle, anything.

A time will come when everything will be okay, i know it's not now but it will be, by then i will run to you and hug you. But when?When can you love me unconditionally, like how i love you with my life, Jimin?

-Jungkook
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Jimin had received the youngest's letter not long after they'd gotten home. Jungkook had specifically told the staff not to read it to Jimin but instead give it to him directly and let him read it on his own. They had luckily not found anything suspicious about the request, only shrugging after being handed the folded paper.

His conscience has been eating him alive since that one morning and why he didn't try to approach Jungkook was also beyond him. But he figured that it was because he felt that the younger didn't want to talk to him after he's been neglected for so long, it's quite the opposite really.

Jungkook had wanted Jimin to talk to him so bad, so bad that he had to stop himself multiple times from doing it himself. But Jungkook was too tired. Tired of being the one in their relationship to take the steps, the only one to move and the one to hurt most.

The older didn't open the letter until he saw Jungkook dancing in the rain outside. He found himself smiling a little at the soft smile on the younger's lips. What he couldn't see were the tears streaming down his face, hidden and camouflaged by the rain and heard him run back into the dorm and lock himself in his own room.

Days went by and nothing changed, they barely see each other. Besides the occasional bumps in the kitchen when Jungkook was starving and rummaged through the fridge causing Jin to shout at him for not eating with them and sometimes seeing each other in around the apartment where the younger would still ask if he had eaten for the day making Jimin's heart shatter more than it already has, they never had any confrontation.